Dear Di...
Dear Di,
Recently a good male friend and I decided to partake in some extracurricular activities. This supposed one- time event has ended up turning into a friends-with-benefits relationship, which both of us seem fairly satisfied with. The problem is that I am significantly less experienced than he is and therefore a lot less open to trying new things on a whim. I also have mobility issues that, while not entirely disabling, make certain positions uncomfortable for my hips and knees after a certain amount of time. Currently we’re stuck in the missionary position (the only one I have experience with), and I can already feel him getting bored. Any suggestions on how we can keep things interesting and comfortable, without overstepping my boundaries too quickly?
—Flubbing the Whoopee and Boinking
Dear FWB,
First, you need to be clear with your partner about your physical limitations and what does and doesn’t work for you. Establish this beforehand, but also don’t be afraid to say “ouch” (or your chosen safe word) when you’re already doing the dirty. When it comes to sex, couples—against any and all odds—tend to make things work for the sake of getting laid. Missionary might seem boring, but it consistently comes out on top (pun intended) in polls on favourite sex positions. When you do need some variety that’s easy on your hips and knees, try the Butterfly: lie on your back with your legs hanging off the edge of the bed, and have him kneel on the floor in front of you and blissfully hump away. Or try reverse missionary, which is the same as the old stand-by, only you lie on your front and he enters you from the back. Any position where you’re lying or sitting will likely be easier on your joints, so just get creative. And when in doubt, just sit back, relax, and spread ‘em—who’s gonna say no?
Love, Di
Dear Di,
My boyfriend and I were having sex the other night and he said “I love you.” I guess the time it took me to silently freak out in my head before deciding to say it back was a little too long for his liking and he resumed his dirty talk. But at the SAME time I responded with “I love you too” so I don’t know if he heard me. It’s now been a week and nothing’s been said or happened. I’m worried about a few things at this point: Did he mean to say it? Did he hear me? And if he did, is he freaking out because I said it back? If he didn’t hear me, is he worried I didn’t say it? And worst of all, because it was during sex, did he mean it? It was the first time we would have said it to each other so it’s more nerve-racking. I know we care about each other, but I still can’t help but wonder if it was genuine or simply a slip of the tongue.
—Lust Or Love?
Dear LOL,
Look, I can totally sympathize, having been in a similar position myself, but the only way to know for sure what was going through your boyfriend’s mind is to ask him. If you wait too long to bring it up, you run the risk of perpetuating any number of embarrassed, confused, insulted, or disappointed feelings your boyfriend may have right now. Accept the fact that it may be excruciatingly awkward when you broach the subject, then talk to him anyway: “The other day, when we were furiously doing the horizontal mambo, I thought I heard you say that you loved me.” Tell him it’s okay if he didn’t mean to say it—God knows we can all get carried away in the heat of the moment—but say that you really care about him and want to know his true feelings. If he meant it, you can decide for yourself whether you want to return that sentiment (you’re under no obligation, by the way). Then you two can get back to talking dirty and tickling your belly from the inside.
Love, Di
If you have a question for Di, email deardi@thefulcrum.ca.
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