Dear Di...
Dear Di,
I am a University of Ottawa student, and I have a question for you and am requesting very crucial advice. My roommate is really weird and is always bringing drunk girls over. I don’t know if I should approach him about this, because it’s a little awkward, since they come into the room and fool around with me there. I guess he thinks I’m sleeping but it’s noisy. It’s an awkward thing to bring up to him.
—Roommate Evil, Seriously
Dear RES,
Oh, the joys of shared living spaces! You’re not the first roomie I’ve heard complaining about awkward drunk sex one cot over—which, contrary to what most pornos would have you believe, does not usually result in the third party joining in for a delightful impromptu threesome. Really, RES, you have no choice but to somehow communicate your frustration and icky feelings to your roommate. To lessen the awkwardness, try leaving him a note or an IM while he’s out. If he’s a good guy, he’ll feel like a douche for not realizing you’re a lighter sleeper than he thought. But if he really is a douche and doesn’t correct the problem or offer his apologies, talk to your CA or res building coordinator. They can offer you more advice for dealing with this guy, have a serious chat with him (or both of you together), or perhaps even organize a room change for one of you. Good luck, and may the rest of your nights in res be a little less nookie-noisy.
Love, Di
Dear Di,
This may sound weird, but I was wondering if there is such thing as too much sex? I think my roommate is a sexaholic, or sex athlete, depending on how you look at it. She’s got a different guy every week and every weekend— plus, she has a boyfriend—and I don’t think he knows what’s up. She seems happy, but I don’t know if I should bring it up with her. What should I do?
—Roommate of a Sexaholic Type
Dear ROAST,
Your question is a variation on the age-old dilemma presented to friends and roommates of the promiscuous the world over: do you have a moral obligation to inform the cheatee of his or her cheating partner’s ways, or to share your concerns with the cheater? The answer is never easy, and it depends on the degree of closeness you have with your roommate. Is she just some random who lives with you, or is she a good friend too? If it’s the latter, you have every right to (gently) tell her she sometimes worries you and that you just want to make sure she’s taking care of herself—physically and emotionally. If you don’t know her well and don’t plan on hanging around her when you two are no longer roommates, though, don’t get involved. As for her boyfriend—that’s a tough one, assuming he and your roomie aren’t in an open relationship. If learning he’s been cheated on leads to a break-up, your roommate won’t be happy to find out you were the catalyst. Unless her boyfriend is a close friend of yours too, and unless her behaviour is directly affecting you (she wakes you up with her moaning, she fucks your friends, etc.), I’d advise you to stay out of it. Her relationship is clearly on shaky ground if it’s more than her eye that’s wandering, so just sit back, relax, and wait for the shitstorm to come crashing down around her—as it inevitably will.
Love, Di
If you have a question for Di, email deardi@thefulcrum.ca.
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