Dear Di...
Dear Di,
I think I am a good-looking, confident boy. However, when I date girls, I feel I run out of words and sometimes the conversation goes totally blank because I can’t find anything to say. I am also not from Canada and I did not go to high school in Canada, so I guess it makes it harder for me to know what to say during a date and what kind of jokes to make. I guess since I did not grow up in Canada and did not watch American and Canadian TV shows, it really makes it harder for me to talk about these things with people. So, do you have any suggestions for me as to what kind of things to say and ask during a date in order to have a decent conversation on a date? Could you also recommend to me some TV shows or books that people my age (20) are interested in so I can have better conversations? Could you also tell me how to ask girls out on dates?
—Cock-Blocked by Culture Barrier
Dear CBCB,
I know it’s a cruel world out there, and dating can be tough at the best of times, but I’m sorry to say it’s your approach—not your conversation—that’s all wrong. As much as you may think immersing yourself in Canadian culture might grease the wheels for you with the girls, it sounds like you’re just trying to be something you’re not. I could give you hundreds of hints about popular music, movies, and TV shows but, take my word for it, none of it would get you one bit closer to the babes that you’re eyeing. I suggest you stop trying to pass yourself off as a common Canadian and, as clichéd as it sounds, just be yourself. I’m willing to bet your own native culture has a million different customs and unique cultural aspects that any Canadian cutie would love to hear you talk about, especially in a sexy, foreign accent—not to mention all the delightfully different music, film, theatre, or cuisine you could show a lucky lady. Chicks dig the exotic, so don’t focus on forming a new, North American identity—instead, embrace your own native culture and how it makes you different, more unique, and more interesting than your Average Joe. I suspect that when you’re comfortable with yourself and your enticing ethnicity the femmes will start flocking, and you’ll find your dating debacle will have disappeared.
Love, Di
Dear Di,
Can I masturbate with a Popsicle? I’m a girl.
—Penis or Popsicle? Dear POP,
You kids are just getting too creative with your sex toys these days. I thought I’d heard the worst of it when Bright-Eyed Beaver asked if she could use her vibrating mascara to get herself off back in September (the answer, for the record, was no). No, POP, you can’t stick a hunk of ice and sugar up your cooch, unless you want a yeast infection and sticky, sugary, smelly discharge for the next few days. In general, you should really avoid sticking anything sugary up there—yeast bacteria love sugar, but you won’t love the itching, burning sensation that ensues. If you’re set on a cooling sensation, ice cubes are perfectly safe for sex play, solo or otherwise, especially if you’re into a little mild BDSM. For other safe sex toys, stick to commercially available dildos, please, and clean them regularly with soap and hot water or an antibacterial sex-toy cleaner to avoid breeding bacteria. Check out the list of local sex shops in the Feb. 11 sex supplement, available online at thefulcrum.ca, and enjoy a little less ice—but no less nice—in your sexy time.
Love, Di
If you have a question for Di, email deardi@thefulcrum.ca.
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