Sofia Hashi | Fulcrum Staff
THERE IS NOTHING better than watching prime-time award shows. Seriously, can you think of a better way to spend an evening than watching already successful people become more successful? We lust after their expensive clothes (some outfits could pay our university fees a thousand times over—Carrie Underwood, I’m looking at you and your $31 million-dollar necklace). We’d kill for the chance to date these stars, and we’d love to be them. While we may wish for a magic genie to grant us these wishes, there’s no use living in la-la land. Instead, we should all be taking notes, because televised events like the Grammys and the Oscars can be very educational. So, class—in case you missed the other night’s very important lessons, here’s a quick recap:
Leg-bombing is hotter than actual bombing.
Angelina Jolie may have started it, but J-Lo definitely finished it. Not to be outshone, Jenny from the block busted out her own version of the leg bomb. Somehow this trendy look has become “the” look overnight, and we’re thankful for it. If the word bombing is going to continue to exist in our vocabulary, then the word leg should always precede it. World, you can thank Hollywood later.
Joan Rivers is still alive and reporting for E!
Friend: “Yo, I thought this lady was dead and gone.”
Other friend: “Nope, you must be confusing her for that dude who played Dumbledore in the first Harry Potter movie.”
If there’s one thing that Hollywood award shows prove, it’s that Joan Rivers is still alive and kicking. If she’s ever absent from the red carpet, let the alarm bells ring; Rivers just may have croaked or quit her job so some poor journalism student could have a crack at entertainment “reporting.” I just hope it’s the latter—I really need a job after I graduate. No, seriously, I do.
Which stars are illiterate?
Literacy rates in Hollywood have fallen well below our national average. The evidence? The number of celebrities who fail to properly follow a teleprompter is alarming. Did everyone drop out of high school to become platinum-selling recording artists? We get it—singing is your thing, not writing. But stumbling and stuttering over your words isn’t endearing…it just makes us question your IQ.
She wore what?
Slut-shaming still exists. Just take a look at the number of blogs that feel the need to discuss the fashion choices at the Grammys. Risqué looks on the red carpet are almost always side-eyed by most of the online community. So what if there’s a little side boob, leg bombs, cleavage, and tummies shown? At least nobody had a nip slip or called the plumber.
Who’s together, who’s hooking up, and who’s all alone.
Hollywood’s hook-up culture is always under a microscope, and what better way to get the latest gossip and relationship advice than to dissect who’s arriving (or not arriving) with whom? If someone shows up solo, it usually means they’ve either broken up with their partner, been dumped, or are happily single. But between you and me, it’s never ever the last option.
