The still under construction STEM building collapsed last Tuesday because the design team overburdened the structure when they signed their names onto a supporting beam using extra thick Sharpie markers.
Over the last six months, ARC has been testing out new developmental theories and applying them to real life test subjects, namely students at the U of O, in the hopes of quelling the growing threat of world domination by bulbous orange villains and climate change deniers.
Truly, as technology continues to improve, who knows what other jobs are at stake? If lamplighters and chimney sweeps are out of work then it’s only a matter of time before they’re joined by blacksmiths, cobblers and cattle rustlers.
While the first day of school is now set to begin Sept. 13, students whose primary faculty buildings are affected by the construction will start their courses even later, at the end of September. This delay will result in classes continuing over the winter break, with exams taking place in early January.
From September 3-9, the university has placed a blanket ban on all music and dancing after 8 p.m., as well as a requirement that all students living on campus must be in their residences by 10 p.m. The administration claims this measure is needed to avoid complaints from Sandy Hill residents.
To begin the process, City officials are removing all 2017-18 calendars from stores, and will be releasing a new and improved version of the Canada 150 advertising campaign in a few months. As part of the festivities, all businesses and residents will also be required to travel 365 days into the past.