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The Tomato: Greening our campus

It’s so great to see the administration actually doing something about making learning a more positive and environmentally responsible experience. No one is just idly sitting by bragging about a green wall in one building alone, or comforting themselves that the campus was ranked as the most sustainable in Canada.
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The Tomato: Nobel Peace Prize announces nominations

This announcement has caused young fans of Hannah Montana to adopt Cyrus’ new fashion sense, mothers to burn all Hannah Montana merchandise, men to question if they like that sort of thing or not, and feminists to critique the fact that we judge Cyrus for twerking on the trophy but not the trophy for using Cyrus.
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The Tomato: Coffee deemed conclusively neutral

“The sensationalism found in today’s media renders it tough to discern which foods are contributing positively to our collective health and which will likely put us in the ground,” said Roast. “That being said, I’m honoured to be one of the few who are admittedly contributing in a neutral way.”
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The Tomato: U of O unveils Smartass program

“I’m just really excited to be at an institution of learning that understands that I’m different from everyone else,” said Runt. “It’s been hard to deal with professors who dismiss my breadth of knowledge just because I only have a basic understanding of everything I claim I’ve read.”
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The Tomato: Crime runs free in Ottawa

Presently, the OPS has released a public service announcement on the subject of frexting that will circulate across Ottawa throughout the fall. The advertisement promotes the use of Bluetooth technology while parkouring. It is hoped that this method—entitled hands-free running—will reduce the number of parkouring-related collisions and make the sidewalks safe again.
Opinions_Quebec_TinaWallace

The Tomato: A village stuck in the past

“My family will always be grateful to this country and town for entrenching the beliefs of religious tolerance and multiculturalism into fundamental rights for citizens,” said Jaameh. “It’s too bad Quebec didn’t agree to do the same.”
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The Tomato: NFL embraces racism

The new team names will take effect immediately. Among other changes, the New England Patriots will now be referred to as the Dirty Micks, the New York Giants will be changed to the Cheap Jews, and the Miami Dolphins will be renamed the Blackskins.