Just last month, Prime Minister Stevie Harper revealed he was duped by the comments of an attractive young journalist working for the Ottawa Denizen who described his helmet hair as “particularly fetching and stylish when seen next to Trudeau’s ridiculous curly locks.”
“The line-ups for returns were insane,” said Savage. “I had to rip a 10-year-old’s braid off just to make it into the line. People were punching, scratching, pushing, and slapping to make sure they got all their money back and to make sure our kids learn the true meaning of Thanksgiving.”
“The last thing I need is to walk into a glass door when I’m inebriated,” said Ford. “Glass doors think they are tough, but I could probably take one out in five to 15 minutes. No, give me 10 minutes with the door and I’ll knock it out. Wait, what are we talking about?”
“People are criticizing our party for illegal contributions to Senator Mike Duffy, meanwhile Liberals are out there puffing the magic dragon like it’s not a gateway drug. What a bunch of hypocritical criminals.”
All Justin was saying is that Canadians would be much better off if we could just let go of our materialistic desires and accept some mild censorship, corruption, and unlawful persecution for the greater good.
“Well, we’re paid to make good policy, and I’m happy to say we’re finally earning our salaries,” said Flipflop. “We did the math and realized that the average debt for a student with public and private loans has increased 460 per cent over the past 15 years. We asked ourselves, who is going to pay for boomers’ health care in 15 years?”
“I was drawn to interpretive dance by the lavish costumes, ribbons, and spandex bodysuits,” he said. “I also feel a sense of ecstasy when I perform with wide swooshes of the arms, spins, and drops to the floor.”
“Friends don’t give friends viruses. Friends don’t spyware on each other. But I didn’t ask him to get tested and now I’m dealing with the consequences.”