The Tomato

Singer and actress Paris Hilton is outraged because she had to spend 23 days in prison for drunk driving, while celebrities like Brown and Charlie Sheen are getting off with equal or lesser sentences than her own.

Despite all this public outrage, the proposed ban still has to be voted through the lower house of French Parliament before it is passed. This gives mothers like Rogers and sex criminals like Danielson sufficient time to team up and launch an ideological counter offensive to make sure that events like pre-school swimwear contests remain perfectly legal on this side of the Atlantic.

It’s so great to see the administration actually doing something about making learning a more positive and environmentally responsible experience. No one is just idly sitting by bragging about a green wall in one building alone, or comforting themselves that the campus was ranked as the most sustainable in Canada.

This announcement has caused young fans of Hannah Montana to adopt Cyrus’ new fashion sense, mothers to burn all Hannah Montana merchandise, men to question if they like that sort of thing or not, and feminists to critique the fact that we judge Cyrus for twerking on the trophy but not the trophy for using Cyrus.

“The sensationalism found in today’s media renders it tough to discern which foods are contributing positively to our collective health and which will likely put us in the ground,” said Roast. “That being said, I’m honoured to be one of the few who are admittedly contributing in a neutral way.”

“I’m just really excited to be at an institution of learning that understands that I’m different from everyone else,” said Runt. “It’s been hard to deal with professors who dismiss my breadth of knowledge just because I only have a basic understanding of everything I claim I’ve read.”

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