Dear Di,
I’m in my early 20s and still a virgin. I’ve had the opportunity to have sex, but it didn’t feel right. I’m still holding out for when I feel ready, but the older I get, the more left out I feel. I’m starting to feel like a huge loser. Am I weird for waiting?
—Waiting and Waiting
Dear WW,
In a word: No!
You are not “weird” for waiting to lose your virginity. You are not bizarre, strange, or a loser. I know it seems like every single student on campus spends all of his or her spare time sucking and sexing every consenting adult in sight and, admittedly, some do; however, there are tons of 20-somethings wandering around with their V-cards tucked firmly away in their back pockets. I know this because they’re all sending me countless emails exactly like the one I received from you.
The decision to keep your genitals closed to the public until further notice is nothing to be ashamed of. There is no such thing as a “right” or “wrong” time to hop on a penis, penetrate a vagina, or explore an anus. It’s your body, decision, and business, and not that of anyone else.
Turning down the past opportunities you’ve had to pop your cherry or insert your sausage tells me you know yourself well and can trust your own instincts. These are hard-to-come-by qualities you should be proud of—I have some friends who can barely dress themselves without consulting others!
In all honesty, I’m a little jealous of you. Instead of losing your virginity to a clueless, fumbling teenager in the back of your mom’s car, you have the opportunity to do it with someone who truly gets your below-the-belt juices gushing. Just imagine how hot it will be when you finally roll around in the sack with the right person.
Keep your head held high, have sex when you’re ready, and in the meantime: Masturbate.
Love,
Di
Dear Di,
I’m in a serious relationship with my boyfriend and we’ve even talked about marriage; however, I have recently begun banging his HIV-positive brother, whom my man is close with. It’s not my fault the guy has abs more shredded than a Julienne salad! I feel like I need to tell my boyfriend, but I don’t want to lose him. Is there any easy way of doing this?
—Banging His Brother
Dear BHB,
I’ve been a sex columnist for a long time. I like to believe I’ve seen it all, but every once in a while, I receive a letter so shocking that even I am thrown for a loop. Reading your words felt like riding on the worst kind of roller coaster.
You say you don’t want to lose your boyfriend; however, given the circumstances, I predict no other outcome to the situation. Many people find it nearly impossible to forgive a partner for cheating with a nameless, faceless person, but what you and your man’s brother have done is much worse than a run-of-the mill indiscretion. It is the ultimate form of betrayal.
You have options here, but I don’t think any are going to tickle your fancy, as they all end with you boyfriendless and your man broken-hearted.
You can come clean and risk destroying your boy’s family, or you can end it for generic reasons and spare him the trauma he’ll inevitably suffer from hearing the truth. Regardless of how you choose to do it, you need to leave this shit show of a love triangle—stat. End the entire affair and get out before the situation becomes even worse. Your man’s health and heart hang in the balance.
You mention nothing about using condoms with either of the boys. I sincerely hope you’ve been protected each and every time you’ve had sex. Your actions risk passing on a deadly and incurable virus to someone you presumably love enough to consider marrying. I urge you to get yourself tested for STIs and HIV as soon as possible and to encourage your boyfriend to do the same.
Love,
Di
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