Dear Di,
My partner and I have a good sex life, but sometimes I just prefer to have solo sessions with a vibrator. It leaves me feeling guilty and questioning why I’m having these thoughts and desires in the first place. Is there something wrong with me?
-Vibe-O-Mania
Dear VM,
There’s nothing wrong with solo pleasure when you’re in a relationship. For many people, masturbation is an easier and faster way to help you get where you want to go sexually. After all, you know your body better than anyone, which gives you the ability to push your orgasms to different levels. That being said, partnered sex is pretty important to a relationship, so it can begin to take a toll on the relationship if one of you is always sneaking off for some independent fun.
Research has shown that women actually increase the amount of times they masturbate when they enter a relationship. This may be for a number of reasons, including being left all hot and bothered from an unsatisfactory love-making session, or just not having your partner available when you’re in the right mood. Regardless, masturbation is common and normal in relationships and there’s no way you should feel guilty about it.
Luckily for you, there are also a lot of ways to make your vibrator enjoyable for both you and your partner! You can introduce a vibrator into your sex play, or invite your partner to watch you masturbate. It can be incredibly sexy and arousing. It’s also a great way to tease your partner before you engage in some classic, two-person hanky panky.
Love,
Di
Dear Di,
I’ve been looking for “the one” for a while, but after some failed relationships I have recently considered forming a “no strings attached” partnership instead. But how do I know if this is right for me? Can I still get hurt as easily with this kind of arrangement?
-Stringy Situation
Dear SS,
No strings attached relationships can be great fun and offer a wide range of benefits, but they’re not for everyone. Having a consistent sex partner that isn’t weighted down by emotional baggage can be a great arrangement. However, you should consider a few things before you begin, since there is definitely a possibility that you will get hurt.
Sometimes people enter these casual relationships in the hopes that some deeper emotional attachment will eventually come out of it. And although this has happened for some people, it’s a rarity, so don’t hold your breath.
Another thing you may have to ask yourself is if you will be alright with the possibility of your partner sleeping with other people. If you’re not prepared for the idea that your partner could be shacking up with others, then you may want to reconsider the kind of relationship that you really want. You need to be able to be open and honest about the possibility of additional sexual partners in order for this kind of agreement to work.
Lastly, make sure you and your partner are both on the same page about safe sex. If he/she is not willing to engage in protected sex, then that should be a big red flag.
Love,
Di
Fun BDSM Films (besides 50 Shades of Grey)
1. Secretary (2002)—When a professional relationship between a secretary (Maggie Gyllenhaal) and a lawyer (James Spader) turns into a sadomasochistic affair, things are bound to get interesting.
2. Crimes of Passion (1984)—A hard-working fashion designer (Kathleen Turner) lives a double life as a $50 hooker practicing kinky sex acts to satisfy her clients’ fantasies.
3. Preaching to the Perverted (1997)—After a moral crusading computer technician (Christien Anholt) gets caught up in the UK’s underground BDSM scene, he finds that he can’t resist the seduction of the magnetizing Mistress Tanya (Guinevere Turner).
