satire

“I mean, I’ve been studying environmental science for almost three years now, and I’ve never come across anything that suggested the possibility of ‘warm weather’ in this city. Maybe I’d be inclined to believe them if this were somewhere like Toronto, but everyone knows that Ottawa just doesn’t have a spring.”

“(Looking back at) my first time … (my biggest) regret was not speaking. I thought that all (kinds of) bad things would happen to me—and then the second time that I did it, I found that if you put yourself out there … you’ll get good feedback from it.”

After the 53rd recount, it dawned on election officials that while many ballots had been submitted, none of them had any names marked down. One ballot did have the words “Bernie for prez!” scrawled on it, but it was marked as spoiled.

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