“We’ve been named the seventh-happiest country in the world, and we couldn’t be happier,” said Prime Minister Justin Trudeau.
“Investing in Bitcoin is a perfect fit for the U of O and our stated principles,” said Frémont. “What could defy the conventional more than investing in the same thing as everyone else?”
While Canadians may be up in arms online around Tim Hortons’ response to the minimum wage hike, their response in person has been less than caffeinated.
According to LeSwank, funding for season three of the show came from profits from the recent Everybody Hates Everybody (EHE) Festival. The festival featured a controversial “pay to play” policy, where the SFUO selected artists to perform based on how many tickets they could sell.
To help clear things up, the Tomato managed to get an interview with Trudeau. Suspiciously, the prime minister declined to make any comment, movement, or even blink.
“I’m so excited to learn everything about this important issue. I haven’t been able to find a job for nearly three years and now I understand why.”—Colleen McCafferty, third-year political science student.
With the debate over electoral reform still raging, Prime Minister Justin Trudeau—henceforth retitled “Glorious and Eternal Leader of Canada”—quietly passed legislation on Monday, ending all subsequent elections.
“Statistically, a huge number of violent deaths in the U.S. are caused by white males, and if there’s one thing this administration lives by it’s facts and figures.”—Sean Spicer, White House press secretary.