Funding provided for Doritos, other snack foods

The 2018 federal budget was released two weeks ago, and contained more than a few surprising announcements. One of the more unexpected expenses the government has budgeted for the upcoming fiscal year is the $50 million set aside to provide Canadians with help to combat their munchies.

With the national legalization of marijuana set to take place this summer, providing quality snacks to Canadians has suddenly become a priority for the government.

“Our government is proud to have a dedicated budget section that will provide all Canadians with bags of Sweet Chili Heat Doritos, Cheetos, and any other weird cravings they may have,” said Prime Minister Trudeau through a cloud of smoke. “We couldn’t just legalize it and not care about supporting people through their cravings, that’d be wildly irresponsible.”

Government sources say that this aspect of the budget would originally have also provided Canadians with comedy movies to subsidize the country’s stoner comedy industry, which has been led for many years by Canadian Seth Rogen. That portion was removed after some Members of Parliament advocated for funding be placed towards nature documentaries, animated shows, and conspiracy documentaries that “totally make more sense after a few hits.”

The munchies provision of the budget has seen opposition, with some believing it to be controversial. “Couldn’t this part of the budget have allocated funds for local Canadian-produced munchies, such as ketchup or all dressed chips?” said federal Conservative leader Andrew Scheer. “I believe that Canadian munchies should be met with Canadian products, or at least Cool Ranch or Zesty Cheese.”

“While this provision does show real caring for Canadians it doesn’t show caring for Canadian fast food workers,” said the leader of the New Democratic Party Jagmeet Singh. “How are those workers supposed to fill their time if they don’t have to meet large orders of nuggets or spend 10 minutes watching you stare at the menu?”

While the budget has provoked some political controversy, many Canadians have greeted it with joy. “I’ll take some free Doritos, especially if they could deliver them to me, it’d really save the walk to McDonalds,” said third-year economics student Samuel Grahamson.

“Personally I’d appreciate getting some chicken nuggets delivered if I could, but I’ll take whatever,” declared fourth-year history student Mia Wallace.

Eligible Canadians can apply for the munchies tax credit during tax season. So if it’s not too much work, try and remember to keep your cravings under the influence, or at least hold onto receipts.