Widespread contempt for artist could help power entire city

Photo CC Kim Erlandsen, NRK P3. Edits Marta Kierkus

A University of Ottawa research team is in the process of harnessing one of the most powerful energy sources known to humanity: hatred of musician Kanye West.

The team is working around the clock to get a system in place for when the infamous hip-hop artist performs at this summer’s Bluesfest.

“We’re not quite sure how it’s going to work yet,” said research team leader Marc Smith. “What we do know is that if we connect electrodes to the mind of a single Kanye West hater who is in the middle of a fit, we’re able to generate enough energy to power an entire city block.”

Plans are already being drawn up so that the City of Ottawa can take full advantage of all the hate energy that will be generated by West’s performance.

“Ideally we would like to have a whole tent full of people before and after the show, where we just suck the hate out of them,” said Smith. “Hopefully the show doesn’t inspire too much vitriol. If Iggy Azalea takes the stage at the same time as West, the combined hatred for these two artists might just overload the city’s power grid.”

Based on their preliminary research, Smith believes the potential of this new untapped energy source is almost limitless. He and his team are working on a side project to use this hate-based energy source to power electric cars.

“This energy is far more powerful than anything we’ve seen before,” he said. “We were able to drive an electric car from Ottawa to Montreal by using one person’s bad temper as fuel.”

Energy conservation groups are also seeking to promote this new source of power, believing it’s the cleanest and most environmentally friendly form of energy out there.

“One day our fossil fuels might run out, hydro-electric dams may dry up, and nuclear power could kill us all,” said local environmentalist Claire Stiver. “But I’m certain that people’s hate for Kanye is in unlimited supply and harbours no ill effects on the environment.”

While Kanye hate is one of the most efficient and clean sources of energy on the planet, some scientists are debating the practicality of utilizing love instead.

“According to our research, love for Kanye West is 10 times more powerful than any results we’ve seen with hate,” said Smith. “The only problem is that nobody loves Kanye more than Kanye, which means that this energy source will never live up to its full potential.”