Humour

IT’S ELECTION TIME at the University of Ottawa. Brace yourself for the onslaught of poster campaigns and classroom presentations where Student Federation of the University of Ottawa (SFUO) candidates plunge into brief yet vague explanations of their visions for 2012–13. What’s the importance of student politics, anyways? It’s just a bunch of political science kids practising for their totally obtainable future careers as the next Stephen Harpers and Bob Raes of the world, with the slight chance of Nycole Turmel. What’s funny is most students don’t even know who the aforementioned politicians are, so …

Birthdays come but once a year… Or do they? FOR THE FIRST 18 years of my life, I operated under the assumption that I was to celebrate my birthday only once a year. As the big day approached, I quietly went about planning a small party or dinner with close friends. The event would come …

Know your sidewalk etiquette STRUTTING THE STREETS of Ottawa the past few months has led me to a new, profound realization: People do not know how to use sidewalks. Every day there are more and more perpetrators bumping into each other, refusing to keep with the pace of traffic, and generally existing completely oblivious of …

HEY GIRL, IT’S me! You know, me, down here sitting on the small of your back. That’s right, it’s your tramp stamp, and we need to talk. Ever since you snagged that sweet office job, I’ve been starting to feel like I’m getting a bit neglected back here. No moisturizing balm, no talk of those …

The childishness of Ontario politics WE’VE ALL DONE it at least once: Compared the behaviour of politicians to that of children. No one has to pass a maturity test to be elected to office, and though the results of this childish behaviour can be frustrating or detrimental, they can also be very funny. Location: Classroom Time: 8:31 a.m. Mrs. …

How should you approach the roomie relationship? A ROOMMATE IS generally understood to be a person with whom you share a home. Hopefully someone who will ask you about your day, cook you the occasional meal, and clean the toilet. But in more unfortunate circumstances, a roommate can be a lot more like a prison …

I BEGIN EVERY day in tears. “Six inch or foot long?” I ask, my eyes red and watery, my face flushed. Nobody seems to care or even really notice. I suppose tears seem perfectly appropriate on the face of a fast-food employee. Why shouldn’t I be miserable? It’s just so fitting. Much more so than …

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