Dear Di,
Help! I’m in love with two people. I’m in a relationship with one and the other is their best friend. It’s a giant mess. I guess I’m just wondering if this is a situation you’re familiar with and if you could show me the way out of it. SOS!
— Star-Crossed Lover
Dear SCL,
Oh yes, the love triangle of cinematic fame. Contrary to popular belief, not as glamorous as Twilight makes it look.
It’s definitely a situation I’m familiar with, but whether or not I can help you out of it is another story altogether.
One of the determining factors here is the nature of your relationship. If things are relatively open, you might be able to get away with this type of polyamory. You might even be able to carry that polyamory into a polysexual relationship. What’s better than having sex with someone you love? Having sex with two people you love, of course.
You’ll never know unless you try. The answer could truly be that simple — talk it over with your partner and your friend. But things are a little complicated by the fact that this third person is a mutual and close personal friend. It wouldn’t be a love triangle if it wasn’t complicated.
Essentially, the way out of a love triangle is simple; you need to make a choice. I don’t care if you ask a magic eight ball, write a pro/con list, or flip a coin, but one way or another, you need to decide. And then you need to tell some uncomfortable truths.
If I’m going to give you the advice that’s right from a moralistic point of view, I should say that in all scenarios, you have to be upfront with your partner and your friend about how you’re feeling. But honestly, this has the potential to be incredibly destructive to both your romantic and platonic relationships.
It’s possible that if you decide to stick with your significant other, the better option is to never tell them the full truth about your feelings. Love is a complicated word. You can admit to having feelings for them and maybe make it out with a relationship and a friendship intact; but you introduce the L word into the equation and your chances get slimmer.
And then of course in the last scenario, you leave your partner for your friend. Not gonna lie, this is a bit of a homewreck-y move, and you’re probably going to be snarkily called Yoko behind your back for the rest of your life. But if you really love the other person — and not your partner — then it’s worth it. Your significant other will get over it, and so will you. Sticks and stones, am I right?
These are the scenarios that I can think of. Unless you think you’re slick enough to see both without the other knowing, and you feel like you can handle that kind of manipulation. In all cases, it’s going to take some tact, but take comfort in the fact that if Bella Swan can do it, so can you.
Love,
Di
