Dear Di,
I came back from the winter reading week, and I haven’t had any action for a while now (yes, my celibacy was going on a few weeks pre-reading week). While getting it on with a guy this week, I experienced the most painful sex ever. Like awful, gasping sex that had no pleasure involved. I don’t know if it was because I hadn’t slept with anyone for a while or what, but my vagina was not a happy camper. What gives? Am I destined to be in pain for the rest of my sexual prime?
—Hitting a Sore Spot
Dear HSS,
That does sound painful! Before anything else, I want to say that if you’re experiencing pain like that during sex, it’s A-OK to tell your partner (be it a boyfriend, girlfriend, or no-strings-attached person) that you need to stop. Sex is supposed to be mutually pleasurable for all parties involved and if there’s something getting in the way of your enjoyment, call it game, set, and match. It’s a must that you and your partner both respect your body. Besides, if you are both so inclined there are plenty of other ways to safely (and for you, more enjoyably) experiment with pleasuring each other.
Now, in terms of your pain problem, there are a bunch of potential reasons. It isn’t uncommon for women to experience tightening of the vagina when it hasn’t been used for a little while, just like any other muscle. That’s all the more reason to take it slow and easy at the beginning. Sometimes anxiety and stress can also cause you to be a little tense down south. If your partner was slightly oversized, or you didn’t have the foreplay you needed, this may have also presented some problems.
If this is an ongoing problem that you start noticing in your sex life, it’s definitely a good idea to go see the doc. They may be able to get down to the potential medical problems associated with your vaginal tightness and give you other options for ensuring your next time in the saddle is smooth and swimmingly splendid.
Love,
Di
Dear Di,
I think I broke my penis. This sounds absolutely ridiculous, and I know there are no bones in my boner, but when pumping into my partner, I missed and hit their pubic bone instead. There was this awful cracking sound, and I have been in extreme pain down there ever since. Shed your light, sex goddess—I need to be back in action!
—Between a Bone and a Hard Place
Dear BBHP,
You’re right: While there are no bones in your penis, it is possible—but rare—to break some of your precious member(although here’s a fun fact for you: all other placental mammals, like chimps, do indeed have a bone in their boner, as you so eloquently put it).
Remember your good old sex-ed high school classes learning about the penile anatomy? The shaft of the penis has two spongey tissue layers, the inner layer being the corpora cavernosa. This layer contains the nerves that are responsible for relaxing the surrounding penile muscles and allowing blood to pour into this layer. Meanwhile, the outer layer of tissue, the tunica albuginea, keeps the blood from escaping, and maintains your stiff and rigid rod. So while your erect penis may feel rock-hard, you have to remember that it is still flesh and blood.
In your case, you may have experienced a penile fracture, which happens when your hard-on is heartily thrust against another hard and less flexible object, like a partner’s pubic bone. The membrane around the inner layer can tear, causing a cracking sound, loss of erection, pain, and (possibly) a bent penis.
If it continues to bother you, I encourage you to visit a doctor; Penile fractures are pretty serious and should be treated as soon as possible. Sometimes they may require surgery to repair the surrounding tissue, which is responsible not only for erection and ejaculation, but also for urination. After all, you don’t want this to stand in the way of the pleasure that your penis can bring to you and others!
Love,
Di
