Dear Di,
One of my biggest turn-ons is tying my girlfriend to the bed, blindfolding her, and doing everything from teasing and licking to slapping and choking her. She loves it too. Problem is, we get really into it so we have a tendency to get really loud. My question is: How can we soundproof a room so the roommates won’t complain?
—Loud and Proud (and Horny)
Dear LPH,
Congrats on the sweet sex life—it’s always great to hear about a raunchy couple enjoying each other. Normally I get emails from people asking me how to approach their too-loud roommates, so congrats once again for being proactive and considerate of the people you live with. Nobody likes being interrupted when they’re trying to study, or doing anything else for that matter.
There are a couple of things you can try. First of all, why not aim to get down and dirty when there’s no one at your place? That way you can be as loud as you want without worrying about being a wanker.
If your schedules don’t match up in a way that leaves you two enough alone time, there are a few tricks I’ve used in the past to make my room less conducive to loudness. The first is to buy a carpet or area rug to help muffle any sounds travelling from your floor to the one below it. If you’re not too fussy about style, line your walls with empty egg cartons. They’ll reflect and absorb a decent amount of sound, preventing the sound of your hand slapping your lady’s ass from reaching your roomies. Also, block all those little nooks and crannies that are letting air (and therefore sound) escape the boudoir. Simply lining the crack between your door and the floor with a towel or quilt will make a surprisingly significant difference. Another option is to play some music or turn on a movie to mask the sounds of what you’re doing. Just make sure to choose something that fits the mood; you don’t want to be mid-bang when Abba starts playing.
Finally, if you’re worried about being a hindrance to your hibernating housemates, try to be a little quieter. There’s something to be said about banging sans sound every now and then. Make it a challenge to see who can be the most silent; stifle your moans and groans with each other’s underwear, bite down on her shoulder when you feel the urge to scream, or simply let out a gentle sigh or whimper of pleasure rather than an animal wail. The soft sounds that don’t travel through the walls can be just as hot as screaming. Happy fucking, my friend.
Love,
Di
Dear Di,
I’ve found that olive oil is the only lubricant that works for me when I masturbate. That slick feeling on my thighs, my vaj, and my tummy is something I just haven’t accomplished with silicone- or water-based lubes. Plus, that stuff conditions my pubes and makes them silky smooth. Is it okay to use on and inside me? Also, can I use it with a partner?
—Extra Virgin Olive Oil Non-Virgin
Dear EVOONV,
Have you not found the olive oil to be hard to clean up post self-pleasure session? One issue with olive oil is that it can cause some impossible-to-remove stains on both your clothing and your sheets. As for whether or not it’s safe— even if you’ve been using it for a while and haven’t noticed any infection, irritation, or clogged pores, there’s no guarantee that those issues won’t crop up. It’s definitely safe to use as a massage oil on your tummy and thighs, but getting it inside of you could cause some of the problems I mentioned above.
As for using it with a partner, no! EVOO is a big no, since it can cause damage to latex condoms and possibly break them—and nobody wants that. I know you said you’ve tried lube, but maybe you just haven’t found the right brand for you. Give Maximus a try—it’s a water-based lube, but it’s thick and stays slippery for a long time. Water-based lubes are also a great option for solo sessions because unlike silicone-based lubes, they won’t break down any silicone sex toys you may bring into the mix. Best of luck finding that perfect slippery sensation.
Love,
Di
