Byline: Illustrations: Christine Wang.
Reading Time: 2 minutes

A must-read for those who want to stay on the guest list

Dorm party or dance team practice?

University parties make those long nights of studying bearable, but there are certain people that can change that outlook completely. First are the choreographers. You are on a dance team and you’re amazing—but this is a party, not the international dance academy! Do us all a favour and keep the choreography outside. Meanwhile, those of us who aren’t part of a dance squad have to deal with the Snapchatters. We get it, guys. Snapchat is lit and your makeup is fire, and you want everyone to know how much fun you’re having. But turn that flash off! Your blinding light is interrupting my kickass dance moves.

—Sope Oke, Fulcrum Contributor

The storybook singalong

It’s never a good sign when someone steps into the middle of a party and calls for attention—especially when he’s holding a Dr. Seuss book. I’ll explain. It was a typical back-to-school party with drinks, games, and conversation. But it all took a turn for the douche. A lone figure—all I remember is the red t-shirt—strode to the middle of the room and called for attention, Dr. Seuss opus in hand. Oh no. Another guy, clad in blue, walked up as if to put an end to the madness. But no, the accomplice, for that is what he was, produced from the ether the ultimate party foul—an acoustic guitar. “May I accompany you?” he asked. It was a classic case of one douche two douche red douche blue douche.

—Eric Davidson, Editor-in-Chief

Hands to yourself

One of my friends had brought a friend up for the weekend, and we had a big night out at a frat party planned for Hallo-weekend. Unfortunately, my friend was a pretty seasoned drinker while her friend was not, and soon enough we all had to act like human crutches to help her walk anywhere. We quickly realized a night out wasn’t in the cards for her, so we started walking back to our friend’s dorm room. However, she caught wind of the fact we weren’t going to the frat party, and started thrashing around, demanding for us to take her. In the heat of the moment, my roommate got a fist to the face. So if you’re at a party or headed to one, and your friends tell you that you’re too drunk to go, please don’t punch them! They love you, and they just want you to be alive for brunch the next morning.

—Savannah Awde, Features Editor

Did I say that??

Don’t be that party-goer who drinks too much. You don’t remember any of the funny stories people are sharing the next day, and have a nagging feeling that you owe people apologies. There’s a line between drinking too much and having fun.

—David Campion-Smith, Opinions Editor