Humour

Texas teen ready to trade in Internet fame for real fame

Edits: Marta Kierkus

Unlike most Internet celebrities, Alex from Target (a.k.a. Alex Christopher LaBeouf) is on the cusp of successfully transitioning his Internet fame into mainstream success. This week, Alex is in the process of negotiating terms to star in three feature films for Sony Pictures and to become the face of a new line of corresponding merchandise.

Social media experts are saying this kind of movie deal was inevitable, since Alex from Target is quickly becoming the most profitable meme generator on the Internet that doesn’t involve surly cats or jiggling butt cheeks.

“Between Nov. 1–5, the massive influx of memes surrounding this unusually attractive 16-year-old cashier prompted a 274 per cent boost in consumption of Target-related content on the web,” said social media blogger Kelsey O’Toole. “Now, with this three-picture deal with Sony, I think it’s finally time to admit the truth: Hormonal teenage girls are in charge of the world’s economy.”

Alex from Target is remaining tight-lipped on the project, as the first film in this epic trilogy is set to go into production early next spring. However, in an exclusive interview with the Tomato, the Texas teen managed to divulge some juicy details about the upcoming film’s plot.

“I play a Target cashier by day, who moonlights as a crime-fighting street vigilante,” he said. “It’s all very hush-hush right now, but my agent said that if I play my cards right I can join the cast of the Avengers one day. How cool is that?”

Alex from Target: The Movie is expected to come out sometime in summer 2016, soon to be followed by Alex from Target: Target Practice in 2017 and Alex from Target: This Time It’s Personal in 2019.

However, just because Alex from Target is moving on to bigger and better things, he assures us that he’s not abandoning the original fan base that helped launch him into superstardom. As such, his upcoming line of merchandise is expected to sell big with rabid teenage fan girls and the middle-aged mom demographic.

“I can’t wait to throw out all my Divergent and One Direction swag and replace it with Alex from Target stuff,” said Alexis Byers, teenage founder of the fan website targetmyheart.com. “I will not rest until my bedroom is lined with Alex from Target posters, alarm clocks, stuffed animals, picture frames, and Pez dispensers.”

Despite this widespread enthusiasm, not all Alex from Target fans are happy with these recent developments. Fans like Lauren Grey, an 18-year-old retail clerk, say the famous teen is abandoning the overriding principles that kick-started the whole movement in the first place.

“Back in the day, I remember when Alex from Target was all about tweeting cute pictures and tittering with my girlfriends,” she said. “It felt so pure. So innocent. Now that he’s decided to sell out, I feel like all that purity is gone, forever.”