Severe loss of daylight prompts ‘sun vigils’
Although recent weather reports have stated that current temperatures are average for this time of year, students from the University of Ottawa are reacting to the recent change in season with shock and distress.
Despite what scientists are calling “average snowfall levels,” many students have decided to simply deny the arrival of winter, stubbornly wearing sandals, shorts, and other inappropriate attire around campus.
The problem has gotten so bad that U of O Health Services have even gone so far as to send out emails urging students to “dress appropriately” for winter weather, which they define as “long pants, warm coats, and boots.”
The transition from fall to winter has not been easy for everyone. On Monday, two desperate engineering students were spotted stapling leaves back onto trees outside the University Centre. When campus security asked them to stop, the shivering students responded with cryptic statements like “too soon” and “unnatural,” before fleeing the scene.
Others have decided to be more proactive and aggressively protest the arrival of winter. Employees at the Starbucks in Desmarais experienced a full-scale riot when their trademark red beverage cups were introduced for the holiday season. One barista, visibly shaken after the chaos subsided, wondered aloud “why we can’t just give them back their pumpkin spice lattes.”
Other students have decided to hold “sun vigils” outside Tabaret Hall to protest the upcoming winter season. Participants said they are doing this to raise awareness about the sudden disappearance of the sun, highlighting the fact that sunlight levels have been dropping daily. Eventually, the protesters started demanding that Environment Canada investigate the missing vitamin D, vowing to remain on Tabaret lawn until something was done.
This same kind of shock and dismay is also evident in the general public. Reports of hot chocolate shortages are widespread, as shocked citizens have been relentlessly stocking up on this precious resource. Shortages of salt, flashlight batteries, and fuzzy socks have also been reported. Municipal governments have stated that the public should not be concerned, and that snow removal will take place according to schedule.
Perhaps the only benefit of this upcoming “winter apocalypse” has been the increased vacation sales. The Travel Agents of Ottawa Association reported a boom in vacation sales, as desperate citizens are fleeing to the southern United States, Mexico, and the Caribbean.
For those who can’t afford to hop on an airplane and escape south, there’s another student-led “sun vigil” scheduled for this Saturday outside Tabaret Hall. Organizers are asking participants to bring lots of hot chocolate to help keep them warm