Opinions

Banner at U of O
When a mosh pit-starter sets his eyes on an area in the crowd, he backs up into people with total disregard for their safety, just like those snow plows in front of Morisset Hall.Photo: Hannah Vigneux/Fulcrum
Reading Time: 3 minutes

Can I shamrock your body?

St. Patrick’s day festivities dominated the streets of Ottawa this past weekend. Although it may not be the grand parade that litters the streets of Waterloo, it’s clear that the students of the University of Ottawa highly anticipated the celebrations. However, amid all the fun and games, many cringe-worthy moments were had. Here’s a list of moments you may have witnessed this past weekend.

1. People shaming you for not wearing green

It’s tradition to dress in green from head-to-toe on St. Patrick’s Day. It just so happens that it’s the one colour missing from my wardrobe. By showing up in any other color, I am guaranteed to be called out by some random stranger for not respecting the holiday’s sacred traditions. Some might even take it a step further and pinch me.

2. Carleton students

If there’s one constant at every University of Ottawa party, it’s that there’s always gonna be one Carleton student who really wants you to know that they don’t go here — I’m sure you met at least one this weekend.

Often wearing Raven’s merch, these outsiders can usually be seen moving through the crowd asking people the timeless question, “What the f*ck is a Gee-Gee?” I remember once, at a Tabaret party, my friend and I decided to enlighten one of these poor ignorant fellows with the meaning of our athletic teams’ name. We went into detail about the school’s colours, garnet and grey, as well as the horse racing term. Just when we thought he finally understood, he walked away and proceeded to repeat the same thing to another unsuspecting group. Despicable.

3. Random objects as means of transportation

Shopping carts, luggage trolleys — when it comes to transportation, the students of the U of O have seen it all. On any and every occasion, the streets of Sandy Hill become a de facto race track for any object, irrespective of whether it features wheels. I think the most famous U of O example of this, was the Russell Avenue bathtub during the 2019 Panda Game celebrations. 

The famous 2019 Russell Avenue bathtub. Photo: Parker Townes/Fulcrum

These improvised vehicles will bulldoze their way through crowds, crushing the toes of anyone who stands in their way. It’s all fun and games until the transport tips over after hitting the curb (or just a really large foot), sending its passenger flying into other partygoers. What creative rides did you see this year on St. Paddies? Perhaps a sleigh, or even a canoe?

4. St. Patrick’s Day themed pickup lines

Although not as romantic as Valentine’s Day, St Paddy’s is a great opportunity to meet drunk singles on the streets. Some might of tried to get lucky with some themed openers. Here are a few examples:

  • Can I shamrock your body?
  • Irish you were mine.
  • Come over to my place and I’ll show you my Lucky Charms.
  • Can I see your pot of gold?

5. Guys who try to start a mosh pit by pressing their asses against everyone

I don’t know why guys at street parties always want to start mosh pits when there’s never any music at those parties. The worst thing is that you never know when they’ll strike. One minute you’re having a great time talking to new people at the party, the next you’re being suffocated by the weight of some guy’s ass. When a mosh pit-starter sets his eyes on an area in the crowd, he backs up into people with total disregard for their safety, just like those snow plows in front of Morisset Hall.

If you find yourself on the list above, don’t feel bad. In life, it’s important to embrace your cringe. Besides, cringe is subjective. Just because someone finds something off-putting doesn’t mean everyone does, not to mention that people tend to do the very same things they make fun of. I once brought a shopping cart to a street party. In conclusion, don’t take this list too seriously and I hope you had fun on St. Paddies.