The Tomato

Courses designed to appeal to students interested in world domination

Photo courtesy of Marta Kierkus 

The University of Ottawa has announced that it will be home to a new faculty that specializes in super villain studies, set to open in the fall of 2015.

By doing this, the school will cater to students interested in both hard sciences and the humanities, and will include specialization options in sentient robotics, planetary destroyer engineering, solar disruption, and general arts. Course offerings are set to include “Last Minute Oratory and Hero Communications,” “Self-Destruct Button Placement and Engineering,” “Origin Stories for Beginners,” and a mandatory essay writing class.

“It’s important that the university remain competitive in tough economic times,” said U of O spokesperson Robert Bishop. “Students are looking for degrees that get them high-paying jobs, and super villainy’s earning potential is limitless. It’s a move that makes sense for prospective students and for us as an institution.”

Students who graduate with a degree in super villain studies will also be rewarded with an Education in Villainy and Immorality License (EVIL) in addition to their diploma, which is something that will come in handy should global domination fall through as a career choice.

“EVILs can be utilized in several career options for our graduates, including Wall Street executives, insurance claim adjusters, slam poets, and U of O undergraduate program administrators,” said Bishop.

Students will also have the opportunity for on-the-job learning experience through the faculty’s co-op program, which has already partnered with Lex- Corp, Umbrella, Globex Corporation, and Monsanto.

“We want our students to get a feel for villainy in the real world, to take what they learn in the classroom and really apply it to everyday situations,” said Bishop. “There’s only so much you can pick up about world domination in a university setting. Sometimes you have to get your hands dirty.”

Bishop hopes that within five years the faculty will be among other top super villain-producing institutions in North America like Harvard, Yale, and Queen’s.

Part of that five-year plan involves a specialized hover-campus that will sit several hundred feet above the university’s city campus. When asked if he was concerned about blotting out the sun for other students, Bishop said most of the U of O student body feels that the lack of green space and drab concrete structures are best enjoyed in the shade anyway.

This announcement hasn’t come without controversy, as some locals are concerned about what this new faculty will mean for the community.

“All it takes is one malfunctioning anti-particle beam, death ray, or anti- gravity field and poof—there goes the neighbourhood,” said Lynda Carter, head of the local chapter of Justice League United. “We deserve to know exactly who will be keeping track of these new super villain majors.”

University officials say the staffing process is already underway, with offers being made to top experts in the field, including Drs. Connors, Octavius, and Doom.

While no formal commitment has been made, the university is expected to have narrowed their shortlist for chairmanship of the faculty down to two candidates: Vladimir Putin and Kim Jong-un.

A special bulletin is expected late next week, where the new chairman will be announced via campus-wide interruption of regular scheduled programming.