The Tomato

Raccoon riding a scooter
Illustration: Dasser Kamran/Fulcrum

Sandy Hill mammal gets slapped with $150 fine

A raccoon has been handed a hefty fine for speeding on Sandy Hill sidewalks Monday evening.

Ticketing officer Greg Heffley slapped the four-year-old raccoon with a $150 fine. Officer Heffley claimed that the mammal was travelling at speeds of up to 115km/h. 

“It was incredibly irresponsible and inappropriate behaviour,” claimed Heffley. “Just because these scooters are all over the city doesn’t mean you can drive around all willy-nilly with them.”

The raccoon, who is referred locally as ‘Squat’, claimed that he lost control of the device and that it was his first time using one of the electric scooters.

“Eeep eep, eep epp,” Squat said. “Eeep eep eep.”

Many Sandy Hill residents are shocked by the news, disbelieving that the neighbourhood beau could drive so recklessly.

“Squat is always so friendly and down-to-earth,” wrote Di Daniels, a Sandy Hill resident and fourth-year education student at the University of Ottawa to the Fulcrum. “The squat that most of us know would prefers to walk or Uber than use the electric scooter.”

Ottawa Police Department has advised pedestrians to exercise caution when using the sidewalks, both on and off the electric scooters.

“Please make sure you aren’t taking up lots of space on sidewalks while travelling,” the Police said in a Facebook statement on Tuesday morning, following the incident.

Squat, though distressed about his expensive fine, has learned a valuable lesson regarding the electric scooters.

“Eeeep eep eep eep,” He said. “Eeep eep, eep eep.”