Dear Di

How to get through an internet challenge more challenging than any other. Image: Rame Abdulkader/Fulcrum
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Dear Di,

I made it halfway through No Nut November before breaking, but it was just too much. I made a pact with my friends that I’d get through it but I cheated on it. Firstly, should I tell them? And second, how can I get back on the no-nut wagon? Help!

— Nut-Free Zone

Dear NFZ,

It’s that time of year again. I get some pretty niche questions, but NFZ, believe me when I say that you’re not alone on this one. 

So to the first question, yes. You owe your friends your honesty — you made a deal and you went back on it. Step up and admit it.

When it comes to getting back on your no-nut bullshit, I’ve got a few suggestions for you. Firstly, take some time away from your partner. This would immediately alleviate two primary causes of failing No Nut November: sexual desire and relationship tension as a result of your abstinence. Also, delete those dating apps from your phone. Harder to nut if there’s no one to nut around with!

Step two, if you do watch porn, it’s time to cut back. There are lots of ways to set up anti-porn filters, and if you’re getting desperate, this might be your next best step. Follow instructions on how to do this here. Your favourite star will wait for December, I promise.

Step three, take up meditation. Rumour has it the pent-up energy that accumulates as time passes without orgasming can be tapped into to access some deep parts of your psyche. It could be a very spiritual experience. Or at least a good way to pass the time. Make the most of it, am I right? 

Also, go to the gym! Might as well turn that energy into something productive. Friendly tip: avoid grapes! Fun fact, they’re an aphrodisiac. According to Wikipedia, so are ginseng, sage, cloves and chocolate. 

And of course the biggest culprits of all: alcohol and marijuana. By lowering inhibitions and depressing the central nervous system, they can increase sexual desire when consumed in small to moderate amounts. 

According to The Psychology of Human Sexuality, a book by Justin J. Lehmiller, while small quantities of alcohol may make you hornier, large quantities actually make it more difficult to achieve orgasm. Use this tool wisely.

And when all else fails, just try to remember how much you’re going to enjoy Dec. 1. Best of luck to you.