My boyfriend has lost all interest in sex. We’ve been together for 10 months, so we’re out of the honeymoon phase, but I have reason to believe it’s more than that. I was on his laptop a few days ago and found a gay porn site in his browsing history. I can’t help but think the change in his libido and his sudden interest in guy-on-guy action are related. Should I confront him?
—My Dude May Not Like Ladies
While I don’t think “confront” is quite the right word, I do believe you and your boyfriend need to have a serious heart-to-heart.
Finding gay porn on your guy’s browsing history is suspect, but not necessarily indicative of homosexuality. How many other people have access to his computer? Even if your boy leaves his laptop in his bedroom, there’s still a slight possibility his roommates or family members have used it. Your boyfriend could have stumbled across the site while trolling the web for the type of pornography he normally gets off to, or maybe he was just genuinely curious to see how the boys who bat for the other team play—who knows?
Gay porn aside, your man’s non-existent libido could be the result of a multitude of factors. Maybe his soldier can’t stand up in the face of school-, financial-, or work-related stress. Perhaps he isn’t happy with the way his body looks or is feeling self-conscious about his sack skills. There’s also a chance he’s suffering from an affliction that requires medical attention, but you won’t know until you ask.
I suggest you sit your boyfriend down, tell him you’re worried about him, and ask what’s up. Explain you couldn’t help but notice a decline in his sex drive and let him know it concerns you. Tell him you’re someone he can speak to openly and honestly. Put the ball in your man’s court and let him take it from there.
You don’t mention why you were on your boy’s laptop in the first place—did subconscious suspicions lead you there? I’m no mystic, but sometimes a girl’s got to follow her gut. What’s yours telling you?
I think this situation is best solved by honest conversation on both your parts. If your man refuses to rise to the occasion—no pun intended—then it might be time for you to decide how long you can last in a sexless relationship.
Last week I had a dream that a unicorn licked my dick until I came. When I woke up I felt really embarrassed, but now I can’t stop thinking about that unicorn. I started jerking it to images of unicorns and I think I might want to buy a toy one. Am I a freak or is this normal?
—Why You So Fine, Unicorn?
So you’re feeling a little horny for the horned horses, eh? Although I can’t say I’ve been there or done that, I am quite sure you’re not the first man to masturbate to mythological beasts.
Dreams—especially those that involve kinky sex—often have a really strange way of changing our perspective. I’m willing to bet you never gave a thought to humping a hoofed creature prior to your head trip; however, the seed has now been planted, and it’s up to you to decide how to proceed.
You could try forgetting the whole nocturnal nookie session ever occurred, but in all honesty, I don’t think there’s any harm in exploring your four-legged-friend fantasy. Why not head to your local Toys ‘R’ Us and scope out their selection of unicorn toys? Even if you go home empty-handed, at least you won’t have to wonder what could have been.
If you’re uncomfortable at the thought of rubbing your penis against a child’s play thing, you could always splurge on a unicorn sex toy—yes, they exist! I’ve found vibrating unicorn horn dildos and unicorn-shaped butt plugs in a few of my favourite sex shops.
If you have a significant other or fuck buddy, you could consider buying a unicorn strap-on. The toy is fastened around the giver’s head, which creates the illusion that he or she has a horn, similar to that of your favourite fairy tale animal.
By the sounds of it, you’re giving your dick quite the beating as it is—don’t make it worse by beating yourself up over a little unconventional masturbation material. I say forget your fears and giddy up!