Dear Ty

Dear Di,

I was watching the movie Bridesmaids and it got me wondering why anyone would bleach their asshole. I also don’t really know what it is to be honest. Are we talking Clorox near a sphincter? Ouch!

—Bleached Butt, What

Dear BBW,

Ever wonder why porn stars have assholes similar to the colour of the rest of their skin? Generally, assholes tend to be a few shades darker than the rest of the body but anal bleaching lightens their colour.

Anal bleaching is done strictly for aesthetic purposes and usually involves the at-home application of lightening creams or lotions to the anus. There are other more extreme methods of lightening, like laser treatments and surgery, that can be used if lotions do not give the desired skin tone. These methods are more dangerous than applying lotion though, so I wouldn’t try them if you’re thinking of bleaching your bunghole.

The trend began when Brazilian waxing became popular. People started to realize that their buttholes were a different colour than their genitals. Porn stars and other Hollywood residents used anal bleaching to match their assholes to the colour of the rest of their genital region.

It saddens me that people go to such lengths to change the colour of their keester. Why people feel like the colour of their assholes matters to their sex partners is beyond me, but if it’s something you’re interested in trying, let your freak flag fly.

There are plenty of creams on the market for lightening skin, but make sure you talk to your doctor before trying any of them. He or she might be able to suggest a certain brand of lotion or may even refer you to a specialist who can perform the procedure safely, after thoroughly waxing your hole.

If you do decide to try it yourself with creams from your neighbourhood pharmacy or cosmetics shop, don’t be surprised if you experience discomfort, pain, rash, or even scarring after you’re finished. Any kind of skin bleaching is high-risk, so please do talk to the doc.


Love,
Di

Dear Di,

I started reading a website that had to do with sexual things one should try in the course of his or her life. I was trying to figure out sexy things that I want to do before I die but can’t get past the usual boring positions and traditional toys. I was wondering about the contents of your list. Maybe it could give us readers some interesting things to attempt before kicking the bucket.


—Need a Little Inspiration

Dear NALI,

I’m honoured to be your go-to source for information for your fuck-it list. Although my list is too long to write here, I can give you what I deem most important.

Try every position physically possible with your partner, and safe ones that you feel might be physically impossible. It may seem too difficult to attempt sex in the splits position, but if you manage to pull it off without pulling a muscle, it is pretty magical. Anytime you see a position in a magazine or online, discuss it with your partner to spice up your next playtime.

Though tricky to master and sometimes awkward, sex in the shower is something you should try at least once. It’s very liberating to be naked and wet—in more ways than one—with a partner. Since condoms shouldn’t be used in the water, make sure you are both tested properly and you use any necessary birth control. If you’re in a non-monogamous relationship, keep the shower play “handy” and be careful to ensure no fluids are exchanged.

Sex in a parked vehicle is scrumptious. Going down on your partner with the steering wheel poking into your back or a gear shift sticking into your side sounds uncomfortable, but you are both guaranteed to get off.

Become a swinger at least once. No, I don’t mean husband and wife swapping; I mean find yourself a sex swing and have at it. A sex swing—sometimes called a sling—is a type of harness two people can use when penetration is involved. Visit your local sex shop to find out more.

Invest in a strap-on. No matter your sexuality, strap-ons will satisfy all. Lesbian couples will have the ability to penetrate, straight men will be able to experience orgasm through g-spot stimulation, and gay couples lacking in length or girth will have an added pleasure experience. Do your research on proper insertion practices before playing.

Of course, all my suggestions are ones I find incredibly fulfilling, but feel free to experiment with different opportunities and ignore the ones on the list you don’t find appealing. Try everything once and by the time you’re withered and grey, you’ll hopefully have a completed fuck-it list and a satisfied sexual appetite to take to your grave.


Love,
Di