Dear Di,
I really like to have sex with my girlfriend. The issue is that I can only become aroused if I have anal stimulation at the same time (some guys might need a finger, but I need a full-sized dildo). Is this normal for heterosexual guys? My girlfriend seems concerned, but I know she loves me. She asked me the other day if I was interested in men but I don’t think I am. Please let me know if this is normal.
—Hopeful Heterosexual
Dear HH,
Anal penetration is often attributed solely to homosexual males by the media and other sources. Females and straight men are generally left out of the butt sex equation, and frankly it makes me pretty angry.
We have this preconceived notion that straight men who enjoy anal sex must actually be bisexual or gay. This isn’t the case at all. In fact, one of a male’s most erogenous zones, the prostate, is usually reached via anal penetration. So, of course you enjoy a big dildo in your backside — you were built to enjoy it. Just remember, lube is your best friend. A finger can’t do too much harm without lubricant, but a big dildo can.
It’s great that your girlfriend understands, and if she’s really into you, she shouldn’t have a problem taking a toy to your tush when you have sex. You should also explain to her that just because you like when she humps your rump, you’re attracted to her, not guys.
If you do find yourself thinking you have an attraction to the same sex, that’s OK too. Be gay or don’t be gay. You may be attracted to men and women, in which case, be bisexual. As long as you’re honest with yourself and your girlfriend, only good things can cum for you two in the future.
Love,
Di
Dear Di,
Every time I go down on my girlfriend she begins to queef. I can’t stand the smell of her pussy. At first it was funny, but now it has become such a turn off that I can’t even become aroused. She doesn’t even notice how much of a turn off it is for me and I don’t think she can control it. Can you please help me? Should I leave her, or are there any other options?
—Questioning Queefs
Dear QQ,
Queefing has nothing to do with vaginal smell. If you research queefs — or even just read my column — you’d understand that a foul smell doesn’t accompany a queef. They occur because air has become trapped in the vagina and is squeaking its way out.
If it’s the noise that makes you uncomfortable, try breathing above the entryway of your lady’s vagina, since your breath may be causing an excess of air to get trapped inside her. Also, lots of lube usually makes for more queefs so stay away from it while you’re going downtown if you’re concerned about the twat toot noises.
Your question makes it seem like it may just be the smell that’s turning you off. That could be trickier to overcome since many ladies aren’t able to change their scent and the smell could be the result of a variety of things.
If the odour is very strong and you notice strange discharge from her vagina, she may have a yeast infection or sexually transmitted infection. Let her know that she might want to consider going to the doctor if it’s more than just a bad smell.
She may smell a little funky after a full day of walking around because vaginas sweat, just like balls, backs, and armpits. Opting to shower together before going down on her will ensure you both smell fresh and it’s a great way to foreplay.
The smell could also be the result of dietary or lifestyle choices. Lots of alcohol consumption, for example, results in a cheesy or sour taste to both male semen and vaginal discharge. This is an issue she’ll need to fix on her own so you have to decide whether the two of you are close enough to gently and respectfully discuss changes in lifestyle that could lessen the odour. You can try to mask the taste and smell you may want to use a flavoured, water-based lube.
If she can’t change the smell and you really care about her you should be able to look past the queefs and overcome the odour.
Love,
Di
