I’m a gay man, and I’ve always been the bottom in my relationships. In fact, I’ve always been the bottom in my hookups too; it’s just what I enjoy. Lately, though, I’ve been picturing mounting my man, and it definitely turns me on. How can I approach this with him? We’ve never really talked about it before, it’s just naturally happened with me as catcher.
—One Day Pitcher?
Your situation is just like that of anyone else who’s looking to try new things with their partner: it boils down to communication. If being on the receiving end of a load of love from your man is no longer the only thing you’re interested in, look at making the shift the way you would any other bedroom request.
There are two approaches to this situation. If you’re single or in a new relationship, you don’t have to get bogged down in too much heavy discussion. A new partner means new sex, and you can be upfront with your desire to step up to the mound from the get-go—and hopefully your guy’s a vers or bottom.
The second approach comes in handy when you’re looking to spice things up in a long-term relationship, which it sounds like you are. In that case, there are a couple of things you can do to bring up the topic.
First, don’t try talking about it while your boxers are tented and the hormones are raging, because doing so at that moment will either kill the mood or impede you two from having a legit discussion. Sit your fellow down when neither of you are feeling too frisky and explain the situation. Tell him that although you’re satisfied with your sex life, lately the thought of mounting his sexy ass is doin’ it for ya, and you’d like to try it out. You never know, maybe he’ll be thrilled with the idea of experimenting. The important thing is to make sure your man knows that even though you want to try new things, it doesn’t mean you’re unhappy with your sexcapades so far. It’s not your fantasy that’s awkward to talk about, it’s the risk that he’ll think he’s not fulfilling your needs, so you should definitely offer him some assurance and a nice ego-boost.
If he’s not interested in reversing roles, your best bet is to compromise. If it’s the thought of having more control that gets you all hot and bothered try positions that allow you to be more in charge—you don’t have to be on top to be in control. And if it’s the sensation of a tight asshole surrounding your cock that really turns you on, recreate those sensations with blow jobs or Fleshlights designed to mimic the feeling of that particular orifice.
Regardless of what happens, there are upsides to having the conversation. For one, chances are good your man will be just as pumped to try new things as you are. Secondly, this’ll set you guys up to being more open about sex and what you’re looking for. Finally, if you’re both into it, it’ll open a whole new realm of possibilities for you and your man in the bedroom.
My girlfriend wants to try something called the Alabama Hot Pocket. I’m too afraid to Google it (she’s been known to be into some…out there stuff). Can you tell me what it is? And, presuming it’s something insane, can you tell me how to satisfy her without going to such extreme measures?
—Afraid. Very Afraid.
It would appear that you do in fact have quite the freaky lady on your hands. In scientific terms, an Alabama Hot Pocket occurs when one partner defecates in the other’s vagina and subsequently engages in coitus while the fecal matter remains in the vagina. In more common terms, it’s when someone shits in their partner’s coochie and then penetrates them, forcing the poop in and out.
As hot as this may sound to some incredibly adventurous folk (they’re out there), an Alabama Hot Pocket is definitely unsafe for the person it is being performed on. It’s important to note the dangers of this risky, frisky move in order to better explain to your girlfriend why you don’t want to attempt it—I’m assuming you don’t, since you sound a little less willing to wildly experiment than she is. Either way, it’s not safe, so I advise against it.
Poop is the waste product of the digestive system; it’s full of bacteria that can cause serious problems in the vagina, including urinary tract infections, bladder infections, and other severe down-there issues. The bacteria are the reasons for the “wipe front to back” rule every girl was hopefully taught once she hit the self-wiping age. In short, the shit that comes out is meant to stay out.
Though it is incredibly foolish for anyone to drop trou and drop deuce in their lady friend’s hot, wet pussy, squirting in a healthy dose of warming lube could offer a similar sensation to that of a steamy turd between the lips. Venus Envy on Lisgar Street has a great selection of lubes and a plethora of books that are both informative and useful when it comes to partner-pleasing.
If the lube doesn’t sound as nice as nuggets to your girlfriend, I would try to figure out what about the idea of the Hot Pocket is arousing. Once you understand what she needs, you two should be able to come to a suitable compromise that you are both comfortable doing.
What still needs to be said is if you, Afraid, are also hot for the Hot Pocket. But don’t worry. coprophilia, getting turned on by turds, is quite normal, and there is plenty of information available online and at sex shops to help you safely satisfy your urges.