Dear Di,
My boyfriend and I have tried watching porn together to get in the mood for the last few months, but everything seems sexist. I try to get into it, but every time I just keep thinking about racial and social inequalities, and were the actors paid enough, and was anyone exploited and, well, you get the point. Can you recommend any feminist-friendly porn?
—Fuck the Patriarchy
Dear FP,
Sadly, you’re not the only person who’s found mainstream porn to be a little lacking. Luckily, feminist porn has become quite the cottage industry over the last few years as feminism has become more mainstream.
Try surfing around sites like Lady Cheeky, Literotica, Bright Desire, Beautiful Agony, We Love Good Sex, Queerporn.tv, XConfessions by Erika Lust, and Sssh.com. Many feminist porn sites do require you to be a paid subscriber to access their content, but if watching porn is a habit of yours, it’ll be a good investment.
There’s also a great array of Tumblr sites (Naked Couples, Dicks for Girls) if that’s more to your liking. These sites feature a wide array of different people of different body types engaging in anything you can think of—and a few things you haven’t thought of.
What’s more, a lot of them have women involved in the creative process. For example, Erika Lust is a feminist icon when it comes to porn, and Bright Desire is run by the aptly named Ms. Naughty.
You can also try digging into the dark recesses of Netflix to find some good old-fashioned erotica. Not surprisingly, most of these gems come from European filmmakers. I would recommend Blue is the Warmest Colour, about a young French woman’s sexual awakening (a very relatable experience) by Lea Seydoux. Also the Nymphomaniac series is a long-winded erotic adventure (I know, shocking).
For all you history buffs who had their sexual awakening with Titanic (come on, I’m not the only one) try watching A Royal Affair, or Outlander.
There are a lot of great titles outside of Netflix as well. Think The Love Witch, the tale of a gorgeous witch in San Francisco seducing and killing—but mostly seducing—the men around her. Also, the critically acclaimed Korean drama The Handmaiden features a thrilling romance between a noble woman and, you guessed it, her handmaiden.
Hopefully these sites and movies will be able to quench your feminist thirst—in more ways than one.
Love,
Di
Horny Homework: Baby, it’s cold outside (So get the fuck in me)
O.K., it’s winter, you’re probably exhausted and stressed out by the time you get to bed. But, here are some great tips for keeping the fire alive in your relationship—and staying as fucking warm as possible. Try a nice, cozy modified doggy where your partner is putting their full weight—and warmth—on top of you. If you have a little more energy, try sitting cross-legged and have your partner climb on top of you as they enter you.
Dishing with Di: Party like a Roman
The fall of the Roman Empire is often described as a time rampant with immorality and debauchery. You know what that means—the ancient Romans were probably having some great sex. There’s a wide array of knowledge about sex coming from this time, from literature, to academic texts to not-so-subtle works of art.
