Dear Di,
Last week my best friend confessed that she had feelings for me, feelings that were more than strictly platonic. The thing is, I feel the same way about her but I’ve never thought of myself as a lesbian. Is this potential relationship worth gambling our friendship over?
-Gambling for Love
Dear GFL,
If your feelings for your friend are serious, then I would say take the risk. You don’t want to spend the rest of your life wondering “what if”.
Everyone’s worst fear in this situation is that if the relationship doesn’t work out then you’ll lose that friend. One way to avoid this is to sit down, have a conversation with this person, and discuss what happens if you split up. There’s no guarantee that such an agreement will be maintained in the wake of a bad break up, but if you approach the situation maturely, and with a good amount of foresight in mind, it’s definitely possible to mend that relationship back to where it was originally.
Strong relationships are founded on open and honest friendships, and since you two already have this foundation you’re already on the right path.
Just bear in mind, since you’ve known each other a long time it’s easy to skip over dating altogether and go straight into the “staying in and watching Netflix” phase. There’s nothing wrong with that, but I think it’s still important to experience going on dates and other romantic excursions. It makes the relationship exciting and gives you the opportunity to learn more about your friend turned lover.
You also have to consider if you actually like your friend in that way or if you’re being swept up by the excitement of exploring your sexuality. Can you see yourself being with a woman in the long run or is this just a bi-curious fling? You don’t want to hurt a friend, so take time to think about what you really want.
At the end of the day, you just have to use your heart and your brain to make the best decision for the both of you.
Love,
Di
Dear Di,
People are always telling me that it’s a bad idea to have sex too early on in the relationship, especially if you are looking for something a little more long-term. I’ve been hooking up a lot lately and I haven’t met anyone special until now. Recently I met a great guy but I also had sex with him on our first date. Did I just blow my chance?
-Blew too Soon
Dear BTS,
Having sex on the first date shouldn’t have any bearing on the success of a long-term relationship. A lot of good hook-ups have the potential to turn into serious relationships. If a guy doesn’t call you after the first time you have sex, he probably wasn’t going to call you if it happened on the third date either.
That being said, you need to let you partner know you’re interested in more than just sex. Make sure to communicate with him on how slow or fast you’d like to take your relationship. Sometimes we’re afraid to show how we really feel to avoid getting hurt, so we focus on the physical aspects of a relationship instead. This way, if the relationship goes south, then you always have the classic “it was just sex anyway” excuse.
But if your partner feels like you are only interested in having sex and not in building a strong emotional bond with him, then the relationship isn’t likely to go anywhere. So, although sex on the first date shouldn’t be the determining factor in your relationship, be sure to make it crystal clear to your partner that you’re interested in more than just a brief, torrid affair.
Love,
Di
Sex position of the week: The Deep Sea Diver
There’s nothing greater than getting all wet and slippery with your girlfriend. Hop in the tub and position yourself under the faucet so that warm water runs over your clitoris. Then have your partner sit on your face, and eat away!
*Feel free to contact the Student Federation of the University of Ottawa’s Pride Centre if you feel the need to talk to someone or get access to local resources.
