Dear Di,
I lost my virginity to my non-virgin girlfriend of 10 months. While I completely understand and am fine with not being her first, I don’t like the fact that before we started dating, she had three one-night stands with complete strangers. I wasn’t overjoyed hearing the news when she told me early on in our relationship, but it only truly started to bother me once my feelings grew stronger for her and I fell in love.
I do not believe in casual sex, and it hurts me to know she was so easy and put out for guys she had met just hours before. I feel as though I am getting sloppy seconds, damaged goods, or whatever you may call it, and it makes me think the sex between us isn’t as special as it could have been. She regrets it, and says she has changed, but the damage is already done, right?
Apart from that, everything in the relationship has been perfect. We love each other very much, our communication is great, and the sex is amazing! This is really the only aspect causing trouble, and I would like to get past it and get the negative feelings out of my head, but haven’t been able to do so.
Are my feelings justified? Is there anything I can do to get over it? I would really like to make things work out with my girlfriend, and I’m hoping that you can help me out!
—Beautiful Girlfriend, Ugly Past
Dear BGUP,
I am going to be brutally blunt with you for a second here: you are a dick. Or, at the very least, this is dick-like behaviour.
The first problem I have with your question is that you call your girlfriend, whom you supposedly love, “easy.” By saying that, you’re judging and shaming her and all women who enjoy their right to get freaky when, where, and with whomever they please. While it is absolutely your prerogative to abstain from casual sex, where do you get off calling your lady, or any other woman for that matter, “damaged goods”? How misogynistic can you get?
Does your girlfriend know this is what you think of her? If so, I have some advice for her, and it involves dumping you.
I’ll admit it sounds like y’all have good communication, and I’m glad you were honest with each other about your sexual histories. Why, though, would you sleep with her if her previous adventures in the sack bothered you so much? Oh wait—it didn’t really get under your skin until you loved her, right? So, did you sleep with her before you loved her, just like she slept with those guys without loving them? Or did you wait until you were in love, and somehow managed to overcome your devastation enough to get hard and do her? In the first case, you’re a hypocrite; in the second you’re just stupid. Why would you sleep with her if you don’t agree with her past? In my opinion, that makes you one box of condoms short of a medicine cabinet.
While I doubt you’ll get over this any time soon, I have a couple of tips that might help you past all the negative thoughts. First, I hope you can recognize that your feelings are unjustified. If you love your girlfriend and she’s as wonderful as you say, her sexual past should have little to no bearing on your current relationship. Second, have you ever considered that the sex is amazing because she has some past experience? Instead of hating the fact that your gal’s had a handful of previous encounters, you should appreciate that you’re the one now reaping the benefits of her carnal knowledge with the added bonus of a loving relationship. Know that you’re the one she’s decided to stay with, and the sex you have is all the more intimate for it.
Get over yourself, and if you’re lucky your girlfriend will keep getting under you.
Love,
Di
Dear Di,
Why does every guy want to finish on my face?
—Facials From the Spa, Please
Dear FFSP,
Ah, one of life’s great sexual mysteries, like “When did pubes get such a bad rap?” and “Why do guys feel threatened by vibrators, but no woman is intimidated by the Fleshlight?”
There are plenty of reasons why a guy might want his love juice dripping down your cheek. This is a porn scene that gets way overplayed. Too many an Internet video ends in a man pulling out, telling the girl to get close, and then spraying all over her visage—obviously this makes for a better visual finish than if he were to simply grunt and blow his load inside and unseen. Guys who get off to porn tend to find this move extremely erotic, and thus want to try it out for themselves.
Another reason why dudes like to shoot off on your face is because it’s super intimate. Not all peeps are down for the move, for a variety of valid reasons—hello, sperm can hurt if it gets into your eyes, and is a bitch to clean out of your hair. When someone’s willing to put up with all the associated risks, it shows he/she’s into the man and is either pretty turned on himself/herself or really cares about the guy getting off, both of which make a man happy.
I haven’t yet known a guy to say no to a pearl necklace or backsplash as an alternative, and it’s up to you if you want to get sprayed above the neck or not.
Love,
Di
