Dear Di,
I’ve always wanted to experiment with sex toys, but I’m not sure how to bring this up with my girlfriend. Honestly, I’m afraid the idea will freak her out. How can I suggest bringing toys into the bedroom without scaring her off?
-Sex’R’Us
Dear SRU,
It can be daunting to suggest new forms of play in the bedroom, since we never know how our partners will react.
But most of the time people are surprisingly open to hearing suggestions. Plus, being so open about your sexual fantasies can really show your partner just how comfortable you are in your current relationship. My first suggestion would be to directly tell your partner about your interests.
Make sure you use “I” phrases (i.e. “I’ve always wanted to experiment with sex toys, would this be something you’d be willing to try?”). Your partner will certainly appreciate your openness, and this gives them the opportunity to express their own interests or disinterests as well.
If you are uncomfortable with directly asking for your partner’s thoughts about sex toys, I find it’s always useful to subtly gauge your partner’s attitude using implied suggestions. Sometimes it’s easier to joke about these kinds of things initially. For example, you can send your partner a funny online article about different sex toys, or you can make up a story about the sexual escapades of your “friend’s friend” just to break the ice. If your partner is clearly unimpressed, then they are probably not going to be down to use dildos or butt plugs anytime soon.
Just remember to respect your partner’s choice. Some people just aren’t comfortable with sex toys, and that’s okay too.
Love,
Di
Dear Di,
This is my first year at the University of Ottawa, and I am a closeted gay man. I find it difficult to constantly pretend to be someone I’m not, so I’d like to come out but I’m afraid of how my male friends will react. Will they still like me?
-Coming out
Dear CO,
Coming out to your friends shouldn’t really impact your pre-existing relationships.
That being said, it can come as a shock to your friends and sometimes people need a little time to process this new information. They may have questions and, if you’re comfortable with the idea, you can sit down and answer them.
There’s also a chance that some individuals may not be so accepting, and you need to be prepared for that outcome too. If that does happen and you need someone to talk to you can head over to the Pride Centre. They would be more than happy to hear your story and share their own experiences.
Just remember that the decision to come out is a very personal decision. In the end, it’s no one’s business who you love, and you should never feel that you have to justify that to anyone.
Love,
Di
Sex position of the week: The G-Whiz
Lay your female partner down and place her legs over your shoulders. The more you raise her legs, the narrower the vagina becomes and the closer you are to her G-Spot. In this position, you can rock your woman side-to-side and up-and-down to really make her melt in your arms ;)
