Dear Di,
I have this best friend. He’s straight and I’m not. Our friendship began with a lot of vulnerability, and he knows practically everything about me. We began to get closer as my first long distance “boyfriend” and I were drifting apart.
In February, I told my best friend that I had feelings for him, and he said we should have some time apart. I find it hard to be away from him, yet we’ve at least established a plan to make our friendship healthier.
A part of me has accepted our strictly platonic friendship, and another part still wants us to end up together. Is this all a reasonable course of action?
-It’s Complicated
Dear IC,
Let me start off by saying that it takes a lot of courage to express how you feel about someone. I believe that it’s always worth knowing you took the risk, rather than wondering “what if”? At the end of the day, you took a chance and that’s worth celebrating.
However, establishing distance is a good way for both of you to process how you’re feeling and to start moving forward as just friends. It will be challenging, no doubt, but you will need to get some closure with your feelings for your friend before you can return to your totally platonic relationship.
With that being said, I do think that it will make your friendship that much stronger if you are able to acknowledge this moment (don’t sweep it under the rug) and work from there. I’m glad to hear you and your friend have created a plan, since proper communication in any relationship is the key to its success.
As you mentioned, your relationship grew stronger at a particularly vulnerable time for you. Your friend was really there for you when you needed him most. So even if you can’t end up together, you’ll still have a valuable friend who supports and cares about you, and that is certainly worth overcoming any obstacle for.
Love,
Di
Dear Di,
I’ve always wanted to try phone sex… but I’m scared that I’ll sound ridiculous instead of sexy. My partner is leaving the city for the weekend and I really want to give it a shot. Do you have any tips on how to make phone sex steamy and not cringe-worthy?
-Steamy Wire Sessions
Dear SWS,
Phone sex is a great way to make your far away lover feel like they’re right there in bed with you. Since it’s not something most of us are used to, the first time can definitely feel a little awkward. But once you get the hang of it, you’ll be moaning and groaning over the wire like a pro.
If it’s your first time and you’re feeling a little nervous, you can always make yourself a cheat sheet with dirty phrases ahead of time so that you’re never at a loss of what to say. Also, before you call, it’s a good idea to send your partner a sexy photo and some naughty texts to get them in the mood.
If you’re on the phone with a male partner, make a point of vividly describing what you’re wearing—or not wearing. Men tend to be more visual creatures, so the more descriptive you are the better. If you’re dialing a woman, emphasize how much you’re craving her body, and what you’d like to be doing to her at that moment.
Make sure to speak slowly and incorporate lots of sound effects (i.e grunting & moaning) into the call. Your partner on the other line wants to know you’re enjoying yourself as much as they are.
The great thing about phone sex is that it’s an opportunity to try out all those dirty words and phrases you’ve been too shy to say face to face. Even if your first session doesn’t go so well, you should still give phone sex a second try. Sex isn’t meant to be perfect. There will always be bumps and hiccups along the way.
All that matters is that you and your partner are trying new things.
Love,
Di
Increase your chances of orgasm
1. Know your body-Spend some time with yourself. Explore all your nooks and crannies and find out what really puts you over the edge.
2. Be open with your partner-Far too often we don’t communicate about what we want in sex. If talking about arousal is too difficult, you can always show your partner by guiding them to certain parts of your body.
3. Lose the stress-Stress and anxiety can really hinder an orgasm. I know that this can be a tall order during exams, but try incorporating meditation or yoga into your daily routine to help get rid of all that stress and tension.
