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Tina Wallace gives you the low down on going down

Illustration by Tina Wallace

As a bisexual woman, many of my male and female friends have come to me asking how to give the best lady-head. You might have already guessed it, but if there were a magical series of tongue twists and finger dips to make her scream in unfounded, toe-curling pleasure, it would have surfaced in the form of a For Dummies textbook. There are no cheat codes to cunnilingus, but there are techniques to help you both along the way.

Push it real good

As I always tell my male friends, things to pay attention to are erogenous zones, speed, and pressure. You don’t need to think up a dozen different moves, however, it is always a good rule of thumb to begin gently and increase the pressure and speed to her liking. A typical move is the “alphabet,” where you spell out the letters of the alphabet slowly with your tongue, increasing the intensity each time you hit Z, but generally clockwise and vertical motions are effective.

You also want to listen to her breathing and her body language. While moans or murmurs of pleasure are a good sign, not everyone is super vocal. Pay attention to her facial expressions and her hip movements. If she’s enjoying herself, don’t you dare switch moves or slow down. It’s go time.

What’s your pleasure?

Everyone’s tastes are different, and it’s your job as the giver to cater to those tastes. Some like it rough, sure, but your job is to obey every command she gives you. Worship her thighs, her hips, and her clit. Now is not the time to throw care to the wind, her pussy is not a Sloppy Joe.

The vagina is a magical and extremely sensitive body part. The clitoris has over twice the amount of nerve endings than the head of the penis, so any unintentional nibble or flick of the tongue can be irritating, and even painful. I couldn’t count the number of times I’ve had to buck away my partner because they weren’t listening to my instructions, and it can be a total mood killer.

Talk it out

I wholeheartedly believe that the taboo lingering around female oral sex exists solely because it’s not openly discussed. In relationships, there is a prevailing double standard between male and female oral sex. While men expect that their partners are going to be comfortable giving head, many women feel that they have to ask for sex. I believe that being upfront about what you are comfortable with comes first and foremost. I once asked a guy on a first date if he liked eating pussy, and that question saved me months of sexual dissatisfaction.

One thing to always remember is that patience is a virtue, and it can take a lot of practice to reach the big O. When getting to know your own and your partner’s body, it’s important to understand that you might not hit it out of the park on the first, second, or even tenth try. But if you treat your partner with compassion and respect, batting practice can be fun too.