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Let’s get back to the basics

Illustration Annie Thomas 

No one likes having sex more than bonobo monkeys. They’re the nymphomaniacs of the animal kingdom, using almost any social interaction as an excuse to have sex, including greetings, forming social bonds, and resolving conflict.

They’re also one of the few primates besides humans that fuck face-to-face.

Of all the face-to-face positions, missionary tends to get a bad rap among humans. It’s considered boring, uncreative, and by some, sexist.

I’d like to propose that the missionary position is underrated and awesome. Not just because a species of nympho monkeys loves it, although they’re arguably connoisseurs, but because it’s a classic for several very good and human reasons.

Being able to look into someone’s eyes and know they’re completely focused on you is hot. Looking into their eyes as they lose themselves in the moment is equally awesome. Unless there’s a significant height difference between you and your partner, missionary is ideal for this.

Another thing the missionary position has going for it is physical closeness. With my partner over me, we’re almost in embrace, most of their body within reach. In the under position, I also have my hands free to grip what I want when I want to. As a lady I’m free to touch your bum, scratch your back, or tickle myself into orgasmic heaven.

Sometimes, I’m just lazy. It’s not that I don’t like other face-to-face positions, but when I want to have sexy things done to me, the missionary position is perfect on the bottom. I can lie there, not to stare at the ceiling in boredom, but to let the awesomeness of my partner’s touch take me away somewhere fucking great. Some might not enjoy the lack of control, but with well-timed moaning and gentle direction, I get exactly what I want.

I would never advocate any position as the best or only way to have sex, but I’ve had enough of everyone’s missionary criticism. If you think it’s boring, you need to open your mind to the possibilities, let your hands wander, lie back, and — whether you’re on the top or bottom — enjoy the sweet, sweet ride.