Illustrations: Jaclyn McRae-Sadik.
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Roommates to avoid during your first year of university and beyond

Let’s just be real for a second, the probability that you’re going to be paired with a nightmare of a roommate at some point in your life is incredibly high. Some would say that it’s a near certainty, especially during your first year of university.

So, in order to help you prepare for the inevitable, here are a couple “tales of woe” from Fulcrum contributors that should clue you in to the personalities that should be avoided at all costs. Also, make sure you cross reference this with your own behaviour, since I’m sure you don’t want to end up being a dorm room asshole yourself.

Club crazed

Glow-Stick_FeatureOne of my roommates was a die-hard club goer and the life of every party. She rubbed off on me a little, but I still needed my sleep every once in awhile. If I hadn’t been out with her in a week or two, she would get antsy. I would wake up to her in my room, curling my hair to get me ready to go out at 11:30 p.m. She would have an outfit picked out for me from my closet, my jewellery laid out, and a drink ready to go—all while I was in a deep slumber. I probably could have said no, but she had put so much work into it I felt bad.

Baby blues

Baby_rattle_featureIn first year one of my roommates, let’s call her Jess, had been so babied growing up that she had no idea how to do the most basic things around the house.  It was so bad, my other roommate and I actually had a shared document called “Stupid Shit Jess Says”.

She asked me why her dishes weren’t coming out of the washer clean—it turned out she wasn’t using soap. She asked me how long it would take to cook chicken at 125°—I said about a week. She didn’t understand why the blender wouldn’t work—she had put half a papaya into it.

It was like living with a toddler who was tall enough to reach the knives.

Craigslist crook

A few years back, I was strapped for cash and needed to find a roommate to help supplement my rent costs. The problem was I had a one-bedroom apartment, and to find someone to rent the place and split a tiny apartment down the middle was hard to find. Through Facebook I was able to find someone desperately trying to find a new place so I took the opportunity.

Being young and naive, I let them move in without paying first month’s rent. After I returned from Christmas holidays, the apartment was trashed, with used dishes and garbage everywhere and a number of my possessions stolen. I also discovered he had been using my email on my tablet to solicit sex on Craigslist.

So Rob, if you’re reading this, you owe me $475 and a copy of Halo 4, but you can keep the Blackberry.

Rampant rabbits

Rabbits_featureIn first year, one of my roommates decided to get a pet rabbit. Pets aren’t allowed in residence, but I wasn’t going to complain because it was cute and I knew she didn’t have a lot of friends. 

Then, she decided to get another rabbit. If you’ve ever had rabbits, you know they smell awful unless they’re well taken care of, which they weren’t. In case that wasn’t bad enough, she let them treat our whole apartment as their personal litter box and never cleaned up after them.

My other roommate and I used to passive aggressively write about it on each other’s Facebook so that she would feel guilty and clean it up. It never worked.

Red dye residue

Shower-head_featureOne of my roommates decided on a whim to dye her hair a bright, fire engine red. She dyed it herself, and when it was time to rinse it out she did so in our shower. 

Normally this would be fine, but she also shed a lot so the drain always clogged when she showered. I came home to a tub full of bright red water. It was like I was in an actual horror story.The tub stayed that colour for a week because she refused to clean it, and I showered at a friend’s house on principle.