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The lowdown with our sex and love columnist, Ty Daniels. Illustration: Rame Abdulkader.

Ask Your Love and Sex Questions on Instagram Every Tuesday

Since the start of the winter 2019 semester, the Fulcrum’s in-house love and sex columnist Ty Daniels has been taking questions via our Instagram page (@instafulcrum). Ty’s collected some of his favourite below, with some brand new answers.

Dear Ty,

How do I acquire a sugar daddy and how does the whole thing work?

If you’re interested in sugar dating, your best and safest place to start is with websites such as Seeking Arrangement, where users undergo background checks. Once you’re online as a sugar baby, you’ll be able to make a profile similar to one on popular dating apps such as Tinder or Bumble, but you’ll also be asked to list your spending habits. In turn, sugar daddies (or mommas) will list their net worth, annual income and lifestyle budget, and the amount of money they’re willing to provide sugar babies with.

You’ll then have the opportunity to explore your options. When you find a match that seems right for you, you’ll then be able to set up an “arrangement.” Simply put, this is a romantic and sometimes sexual relationship between a sugar daddy and yourself, where you’ll give your companionship and time in exchange for money and gifts. As a sugar baby, you can set the boundaries and parameters of the relationship you feel comfortable with.

It’s important to ensure these relationships are always consensual and healthy: If things start to go even slightly downhill, don’t feel bad pulling a cut and run.

Dear Ty,

My nipples are different sizes… is this normal?

Completely. The most amazing thing about being human is that our bodies form in billions of different ways, each one beautiful in its own right. Nipples especially are one of the most unique parts of the body, one often different than the other in sometimes noticeable and sometimes more nuanced ways. Over time, nipples can even change sizes and colour!

When it comes to nipples (and breasts), the only thing you should actually spend any time caring about is any sudden and unexpected changes, such as bumps, growths or moles. If you do spot something odd pop up out of the blue, it’s a good idea to head to your doctor’s office just to be safe, in case something is up with your health.

Dear Ty,

My new partner goes down on me a lot—which I totally appreciate—but they’re a smoker. Would this have any impact on my vagina?

Research has shown that the vagina, just like your skin or digestive system, can absorb a number of different substances into your body, including steroids, hormones, and proteins.

That being said, don’t expect to get a headrush or any major issues from having oral sex with a smoker. The key to ensuring you’re always safe is to use protection, even for oral sex. Dental dams, much like your typical penile condom, are sheet-like and easy to apply to the vagina, readily available at your local pharmacy or favourite sex shop.

Dear Ty,

How do I give a good blowjob?

The first step to giving any good blow job is proper hygiene. Like Andy from the infamous Fyre Festival documentary told us, it’s important to brush your teeth, floss AND use mouthwash prior to performing oral sex. On the other hand, your partner also has an obligation to keep their pecker equally as clean as your mouth.

Personal preference is also key when it comes to blowjobs: Some like it loud and slippery, while others opt for a more gentle approach, both of which are valid. Ask your partner what they prefer and go from there.

But if you’re looking for a lowdown on the basics, start things slow to build up sexual tension: Kiss the chest, stomach and groin before actually making contact with the penis, building up anticipation and sexual tension. Throughout the blowjob, be mindful of your teeth and don’t neglect your partner’s testicles either. The most important thing to keep in mind is not to take yourself too seriously: Awkward mistakes can happen, just have fun!

Dear Ty,

How do I have phone sex and not sound ridiculous?

A lot of this comes down to you and your partner’s personal preferences, but I can lay out some basic guidelines for a hot phone call. Phone sex is more common than you might think, especially when it comes to long-distance relationships.

Surprisingly, a good bout of phone sex can start with a text. Fire off a quick provocative text to your partner to get them going for the phone call that’s yet to come: Anticipation is everything.

Once you’re actually on the call, creativity is key. Don’t feel the need to fall into those cliches of phone sex often depicted in pornos and movies. Instead, talk to your partner through the phone like you’d talk to them if they were right in front of you, clothes off and ready to go. The bottom line is, just lay back and go with the flow, saying what feels right to you.

Dear Ty,

What does it mean if the condom keeps sliding off my partner during sex?

This most likely means your partner’s not putting the condom on properly. To do so, hold the protruding tip of the condom while rolling slowly down the shaft of the penis, ensuring the condom goes all the way to the base of the shaft, touching the pelvic bone.

On the other hand, your partner could be using condoms that are too small or too big for them. Every penis is different, so spend a bit of time with some measuring tape and a ruler and then head out to your local pharmacy, grocery store, or sex shop to buy the condom that’s right for them.

Dear Ty,

How do I turn a friend with benefits (FWB) relationship into an actual one?

Honesty here is the key to success. Let your FWB know straight up that you’re looking to be more than friends, but if they’re not interested, that’s something you need to be ready to accept. If this does happen, my tip to protect yourself from ending up in a similar situation down the road is to fully discuss expectations when entering into a relationship with a FWB. That way, both of you will know where things are headed.

On the bright side, if things do work out for you two, chances are you’ll have a great relationship and some kick-ass sex!

Dear Ty,

I’m fairly sure I’m in love with my boss… help?

This one is tough. I totally understand where you’re coming from since just about everyone has caught feelings for someone they really shouldn’t have.

Before you tell them how you feel, get familiar with your workplace’s policy, which often varies by industry and profession, usually available online or in your initial hiring package. If telling your boss how you feel and possibly entering into a relationship with them means a potential threat to your or their employment, you definitely need to weigh your options.

If the stakes are high, my advice is to wait to tell them how you feel until you move onto the next job, so you can maintain a solid income and get a relationship going. It’s an obvious win-win.

Love,

Ty

Have a question you want answered? Ask Ty on our Instagram page @instafulcrum!