Live from the Archives

Live from the Archives Illustration
As students return to campus, here are some places to get busy at the U of O. Image: Christine Wang/Fulcrum
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Originally published on Sept. 7, 2020

Dear Di,

My partner and I are both incoming first years at the University of Ottawa, we’re both fans of kinky, public fornication. As someone more familiar with campus, could you tell me where the best spots to shag are on campus?

-Expeditionist Couple

Dear EC, here are my top 10 recommendations for you two young love birds. Hopefully, me and Ty Daniels don’t run into you when we’re out and about doing our business on campus.

10-To open up my top ten, me and Ty both like the 14th floor of the Faculty of Social Sciences Building (FSS). It’s a classic! Both of you will get to enjoy a beautiful view of the city as you bang it out on the windows. However, make sure to go to the 14th floor because intrusive tourists on campus all flood to the top floor to admire the view.

9-The sauna in the Montpetit Hall men’s change room. Great place to get hot and steamy with your partner!

8-The press box at Gee-Gees field on Lees campus. You get this strange feeling of intimacy as hundreds of eyes stare down from the apartment buildings next door and watch you guys duke it out through the huge windows.

7-The Morisset basement has a number of soundproof studios if you’re the kind of couple who moan their lungs out while you do the deeds.

6-Book a study room at the Crossroads Learning Centre (CRX) or Lamoureux and get to work as people peek through the window at your glistening bodies 

5-On Matt Anthony field at night. Everyone loves gameday, so take your game outside and get in shape like our Gee-Gees athletes. The field should be free around 3 a.m. 

4-Anywhere in the STEM or SITE Buildings as engineers are sure as hell not getting laid. 

3-In case you haven’t told everybody that you guys are from Telfer already, let them know by conducting your business on the Telfer sign behind Desmarais. 

2-Bang on the iconic Tabaret Lawn, but watch out for the raccoons. You’ll be sure to appreciate the nicely trimmed grass as it rubs against your bare cheeks. 

1- The offices at the Fulcrum offer a number of very comfortable couches. If the editors are nice enough they’ll even let you pick from a selection of expired condoms.