The Tomato

Photo: Marta Kierkus, Edits by Kim Wiens.
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Rapper’s arrival sparks creation of many new campus clubs

Rapper and flat earth theory advocate B.o.B is in Ottawa this week to use LeBreton Flats as a testing ground to prove to the world his belief that the planet is flat.

City officials invited B.o.B to come to Ottawa because “It’d great for the city to be tied to this ideal, plus it would solve our problem of what to build on LeBreton Flats—we’d just put a big statue of B.o.B, the greatest researcher-rapper hybrid,” according to City engineer Arnold Palmer.

“We need to do a ‘flatness study’ to determine whether LeBreton Flats is flat enough to be truly classified as ‘flat’, so that when we sell it to developers we avoid the risk of being sued for false advertising. Who better to help with the study than the master of flat earth theory himself?” said Palmer.

When asked about the project, B.o.B stated “When you look at Gatineau Hills and downtown Ottawa, which are 18km apart, it’s pretty clear it’s all flat, isn’t it?” He then asked a Tomato reporter to explain how that would be possible on a curved world.

The arrival of such an elite scientific thinker in Ottawa has sparked debate on campus as well, with the creation of a club called the University Flat Earth Organisation (UFEO)—an organization that marks a first for Canadian universities, and advocates for the flat earth theory.

Adam Michaels, president of the club, said that their numbers rapidly increased after the release of B.o.B’s song “Flatline.”

“That song, combined with his Twitter rant about flat earth theory, really shot our numbers up, it used to just be me and my cat in a basement when we held meetings.”

The increase in supporters has also seen a rise of people advocating their own take on the flat earth idea. A new club called Cubed, supports the idea that the world is neither flat nor a sphere, but instead a perfect cube.

“We think that the flat earthers are a little one dimensional with their thinking, while the whole spherical idea is solidly in the realm of  eggheads,” said the club’s president Jenna Oxford. “All we’re asking for is a square, solid look at the facts.”

No matter what you think of B.o.B’s ideas, it’s hard to ignore the impact he’s had on campus with the increasing frequency of picketing by the rival groups. The question now is—are you afraid you’ll fall off the earth?