The Tomato

City of Ottawa designs municipal Beavertail flavour

After a Halifax’s taxpayer-funded report on whether donair should be the city’s official food came up short, returning a maybe, Ottawa has decided to launch an investigation to claim an official food for the city.

Some of the most popular recommendations were a shawarma, a cookie from the restaurant Obama ate at during his visit, or a burger from the Rideau street McDonald’s. The final choice, however, was a specialty Beavertail, with unique toppings and flavours concocted especially for the occasion.

“We felt a Beavertail was a good chance to show off something unique to the city, even if they have locations nationwide. Plus, we could customize it to really make it taste like Ottawa,” said designated official food judge Kyle McGuiness.

The Ottawa tail will be flavoured with gravy from a shawarma poutine, fresh Rideau Canal water, and lightly dusted with snow. “It’s a very interesting flavour mix that’s going to be refreshing and light in the mouth,” said professional chef Marta Bond. “The flavours should work quite well together, but the drizzle of maple syrup on top just helps bring everything together.”

“We think it’s important to have a municipal food that people can look at with pride,” said Mayor Jim Watson. “The City will be preparing one of these ‘Ottawa tails’ for every resident, and City employees will be going door to door over the next week to hand deliver these tails in time for the holidays.”

World leaders to begin commissioning naked paintings

Several world leaders have proposed interesting ways to raise revenue after a nude painting of former Canadian Prime Minister Stephen was sold for $20,000.

Since the Harper painting, other world leaders have followed suit with paintings being made daily for sale. Surprisingly, sales are only increasing as more paintings are made available, creating a lucrative new opportunity for governments looking to balance their budgets

This Canadian trend has even permeated U.S. borders, with major politicians using their paintings, and the resulting revenue, as incentive for people to vote for them.

“In order to keep the budget balanced, if I get elected I will be selling off nude paintings of myself,” said Democratic candidate Bernie Sanders at a debate last week. “The American people deserve the best and if my naked body can help then it will. I mean, who wouldn’t want a big painting of me in their house, anyway?”

When asked if they would also be interested in doing the same many Republican candidates said no, although Donald Trump said he was “open to the possibility.”

Other leaders have taken up the idea as well, with Russian President Vladimir Putin also commissioning paintings, in order to combat the economic effects of plummeting oil prices. “Naked paintings could help revitalize Russia’s image on the world stage. We’ll be practicing diplomacy through my awesome body,” Putin said in a statement to press.

According to a press release from Putin, nude paintings of the Russian leader will soon be required in every Russian home.