The Tomato

Checklist for COVID-19 vaccine
Obtuse, rubber goose, green moose, and guava juice. Image: Dasser Kamran/Fulcrum.
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Requirements include backflips, salsa dancing, and speaking Klingon

A federal organization has been drawing controversy following the unveiling of their list of criterias for people to obtain the soon-to-be released COVID-19 vaccine.

Taking Shots, a scientific for-profit organization, has been drawing scrutiny for what many are calling ‘absurd’ requirements to receive top priority in obtaining the vaccine.

These include being able to do a backflip, salsa dancing, and completing 150 volunteer hours.

“Many people are critics, but the reason our expectations may appear to be odd is because we want the best to act to the best of their abilities,” said Taking Shots spokesperson, Ned Edle. 

“This is a super serious pandemic and only super serious people who have been harnessing their talents in quarantine will be able to get our vaccine.”

Di Daniels, a fourth-year international management student, is one of many community members voicing their distaste for vaccine requirements.

“I don’t know who’s in charge [at Taking Shots], but I don’t know anyone who can speak Klingon or give a dog a liver transplant,” said a frustrated Daniels.

“I think they’re stalling for time and they’re entertaining us with these stupid requirements.”

Edle has reported that Taking Shots’ vaccine is 69 per cent effective and is currently still in development.

“We’re still working out the kinks, but that doesn’t mean you can’t work on your Nintendo 64 skills.”