SOLIDARITY WITH RACCOON WORKERS!
Following another shutdown on O-Train Line 1, OC Transpo has announced that to decrease delays during shutdowns and closures, they will recruit from the city’s raccoon population. The announcement came following not only an increasing demand to find solutions to the near-consistent shutdowns of Ottawa’s infamous LRT, but also calls to address the rising unemployment rate amongst the city’s wildlife population.
“Raccoons are small, abundant, and considering they roam the streets of Ottawa freely I assume they know the tracks and lines quite well,” said an OCTranspo spokesperson early Tuesday morning. “They’re also most active at night so we’d be able to employ them during their peak hours to have lines repaired and running again whilst the city sleeps, ensuring minimal disruption.”
The local chapter of CURE (the Canadian Union of Raccoon Employees) responded enthusiastically to the news, citing new job opportunities for the growing raccoon population.
“Before today, we struggled to find employment across the city. It was only in places like waste management services, and fast-food locations could raccoons find proper employment,” commented Don McRonald, a local raccoon fast-food worker. “We have long demanded that the city give us the same opportunities as our fellow raccoons in Toronto, who are employed at places like Union Station. Now that opportunity is here!”
Negotiations between OCTranspo and CURE are ongoing as of Thursday afternoon. However, the City of Ottawa has produced a tentative working document outlining how raccoons will enter the transit workforce.
According to city council, raccoons will largely be employed in the maintenance and repair sectors, using their more diminutive stature, maneuverability and nocturnal working schedule to ensure that the O-Train continues functioning with minimal interruptions.
Sectors relating to the maintenance and upkeep of the O-Train’s tracks, railcars, and electrical lines are set to become largely raccoon-based workforces. Humans already employed within these sectors will largely be moved to other areas of OCTranspo, becoming bus operators, station workers, transit security officers, and other positions.
While some have contested that raccoons are simply being used as low-wage maintenance workers, CURE has assured that as part of their negotiations, they are working to ensure that raccoons will receive above minimum-wage pay with benefits, and a guarantee of future opportunities to seek employment in other parts of OC Transpo should workers wish to.“It’s really a win-win situation,” says Mayor Sark Mutcliffe.
The population of raccoons is growing; this will help them become productive contributors to a city they share with us. There’s no doubt in my mind that the raccoons of Ottawa are also committed to delivering to Ottawa the safe, reliable system we expect and deserve.
– Mayor Sark Mutcliffe
