TOMATO: Proven tactics to distract your lecture hall

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STUDENTS REPORT USING IPAD FOR FRUIT NINJA, NOT NOTETAKING OR CLASS READINGS

A new survey by the Bureau Of Regulated Intellectual Nonessential Games (BORING) suggested that more than two-thirds of political science students engaged in some form of distraction while in lectures throughout the day.

Students who took the survey were asked to detail what methods of distraction they partook in and in what classes, correlating difficulty and length of lecture to degree of distraction.

First year courses within the ECH, CMN, and ENG codes saw students engage in a variety of low-level distractions such as: posting to r/geegees, responding to inflammatory posts on X (Formerly Twitter), stalking former partners on Instagram, and humble-bragging on LinkedIn. A small percentage of participants claimed they “flicked pieces of paper across the hall to see how far it goes.”

The study saw that classes such as ECH3421 Resolution of Geopolitical Conflicts saw more intensive forms of distraction as one participant, Des Trakted, detailed, “Tetris plays well on my browser when I’m not tabbed into taking notes and the falling blocks are really almost meditative.”

Researchers later asked Trakted what about Tetris made it a viable medium for distraction, “I sometimes resonate deeply with the L block, slowly falling into the slot. I’m not very good though. One time I messed up and I swore I heard my classmate scoff.”

Classes in the HIS course code saw significant major-distractions, as per reported data from the study, with students self-reporting an increased usage of non-class related media during lectures. Vance McMahon, a student studying the history of medicine, reported watching WWE matches during seminars, claiming that the reason for such intense distractions was that “I want something that will compliment the sound of my professor’s presentation. It can’t be too obvious, but I’m also tired of playing ‘count the number of seats’ in Simard all the time.”

McMahon later went on to detail that “I’ve noticed though that this method gets a lot of extra views and I’m wondering how to monetize it? I mean, my classmates are watching the stream I pay for. How do I get my classmates to eTransfer me forty cents?”

Researchers are still looking into the effect lecture distractions have on student relations.

This article was initially released as part of the Fulcrum’s April Fools Tomato Pilot Issue.

Daniel Jones

Daniel Jones is a third-year student studying History and English at the University of Ottawa. Starting as a contributor in his second year, he is excited to get to work as the editor for the Arts & Culture section. Between readings for class and his own personal backlog, Daniel is often scratching his chin and wondering if the curtains were simply just blue.

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