U of O 101 Week kits revolutionizing the student experience.
101 Week coordinator, Evan Culkin, explained in a statement to The Fulcrum that “We understand that with the OSAP restructuring, housing crisis, food insecurity, cost of transport, and more, students are simply too cooked to pay attention to school.”
Culkin explained, “The ‘get out of exam free’ card is a completely original, revolutionary innovation we devised by completely borrowing the concept and execution from the Laurier Student Union. In agreement with the university, students may skip one major assessment and still retain full grades. Except for the price of a hot dog and pop at Costco, student life in 2026 is not what it was ten years ago. They just increased the price of the Pokemon Go Battle Pass, and now I have to decide between Team Instinct and breakfast.”
Over the past few years, 101 Week kits have aimed to satisfy some of the needs of a first-year student amid rising costs. The card is this year’s attempt to ease the ever-growing pressures of student life.
Previous years’ kits included laundry detergent, vitamin C packets, and toothbrushes. This year’s items give valuable support to a first-year’s introduction to independent living.
“I’ve been using that toothbrush since my first-year,” says a local Class of ‘68 Common Law alum.
“Before you ask, I haven’t decided who gets it in the will.”
UOSU announced the additions to the 101 Week kit in a press conference early Friday morning.
Among the additions was a UOSU-branded kazoo, one “Get out of exam free” card, a pocketbook of assorted Niccolò Machiavelli writings exploring governance and political power, and an object that Culkin referred to as the “Orb of Memory.”
On the “Orb of Memory,” Culkin elaborated, “This one-of-a-kind study aid came from a startup at the U of O’s Entrepreneurship Hub. Enabling our students with unprecedented financial freedom, the Orb will erase the need for flash cards, ChatGPT Premium, and practically the entire university bookstore.”
“All I needed to hear was that Colonel By himself came to the inventor in a prophetic vision. You’d like to know what exactly the Orb does? Me too! I’ll tell you what it means though: the next step towards a smart future.”
Not everyone is convinced that UOSU’s new additions will revolutionize student life.
A representative from the Provost’s office stated, “We have to respect the exam cards.”
“The University of Ottawa is heavily invested in ensuring our students maintain a healthy relationship between their academic and social life. We do not plan on creating an official policy and will leave it to the professors’ discretions — just like we did when generative AI came on campus. We liked the results from that approach.”
One of the first RSGs to get their hands on the Orb, the Students Association of the Faculty of Arts (SAFA), also felt unsure about UOSU’s newest additions to the 101 Week kit.
One SAFA executive remarked, “We haven’t figured out how to use the orb yet, so we’ve been using them as basketballs in pick-up games with Telfer.”
“One of my favourite parts about it is that… it’s round? And unexpectedly absorbent. We accidentally closed the wading pool at Strathcona a week early after we dropped it during a game of pool volleyball.”
“And Machiavelli holds a place in literature for sure, but I’m not sure how helpful it will be to new students considering it’s untranslated in Florentine Italian.”
Culkin replied to these criticisms by informing us that he never intended anyone to read the book, but clarified you’re supposed to throw the book at zealous student politicians taking after Machiavelli’s Prince.
