Dear Di,
Men are always complaining that condoms don’t feel as good as riding bareback. I thought it would be different if I was in a relationship, but now I’m feeling pressured by my boyfriend to have unprotected sex. What do I do?
-Latex Quarrel
Dear LQ,
I know I say this every week, but it bears repeating: it’s never okay for your partner to pressure you into doing ANYTHING you’re not comfortable with.
If you’re uneasy about having unprotected sex with your partner, then they have no right to pressure you into it—even if you’re in a relationship. When it comes to the decisions that are made in the bedroom, they should be made as a mutual agreement. Both partners have to respect each other’s limits.
It can be difficult to negotiate with someone you are interested in, especially early on in the relationship, as you might be afraid of driving them away. But this shouldn’t stop you from voicing your concerns or discomforts.
If you’re not comfortable going under the sheets without protection, let your partner know that condoms are non-negotiable—no glove, no love. If they continue to pressure you, communicate your feelings and re-assert your position. If this is not enough to make your partner understand or respect your feelings, you may want to seriously re-evaluate your relationship.
If you feel stuck in your situation there are a number of resources at the University of Ottawa that can provide some guidance. You can even speak to a health provider at U of O Health Services and request counselling sessions to discuss any relationship problems you might be having.
Love,
Di
Dear Di,
I was hooking up with this girl over the weekend and I thought the sex was good, but when we finished she said “Wow that was quick”. Needless to say, my ego got a little bruised. So I have to ask: how fast is too fast when it comes to a quickie?
-The Quickster
Dear TQ,
When it comes to the wonderful world of sex, this may be the one time men shouldn’t aspire to finish first.
In reality, there is no ideal time limit for bumping uglies. However, women take substantially longer to get in the mood. According to Amy Levine, sex coach and founder of Ignite Your Pleasure, it may take up to 20 minutes of foreplay before your female partner is fully aroused.
To counteract this imbalance you can invest in some longer foreplay with your partner. Partake in more oral sex and hand stimulation. This will create a longer sexual experience overall, and may make the whole sexual encounter more satisfying for both parties.
But some guys will take the wrong route and think of unsexy things like sports to distract themselves, hoping to last longer before ejaculation. Unfortunately this may actually make you worse in bed since your full attention won’t be on your partner.
There are a number of things you can do to increase the quantity of time you have in bed, while not sacrificing the quality.For example, if you’re feeling like you’re about to cum, slow it down or stop and take a moment to regain control. Try and practice the “seven and nine” method, where you go hard for seven in/outs and then slow for nine.
But don’t go too deep. The strong stimulation of your penis can sometimes be too much for some guys to handle. Instead try shallow thrusts penetrating the lower part of the vagina. You can then alternate between shallow and deep. This will allow you to establish a good rhythm and maintain a very pleasurable technique for your lady lover.
If you’ve tried a number of these techniques and you’re still finding yourself not lasting long enough to get your female partner off, don’t worry. Every guy is different and, like I said before, there is no required elapse time for penile/vaginal sex.
Love,
Di
Sex position of the week for the solo woman: Icy hot
Getting off can get pretty steamy. It’s time to cool things down with some ice! Grab an ice cube the next time you’re feeling excited, and slide it over your nips and clit. As your body heats up the melting ice cube will run down your body creating a tingling sensation that will greatly enhance your orgasm ;)
