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I take a Fulcrum quiz to rate my “relationship”

Darren Sharp | Fulcrum Staff

IN THIS WEEK’S edition of the Fulcrum, we put together a little quiz below our feature which you can use to see how well your relationship is doing. Just in case you’re a little skeptical that answering three completely ridiculous questions can illuminate how you truly feel about your partner, I’m here to put this test to the test.

I should preface by saying that I’m not actually dating anyone right now, so I’ll be using my relationship with my summer boyfriend as my yardstick. Josh, if you read this: I’m sorry, but journalism calls.

Let the games begin!

Question 1:  When you think of your significant other while masturbating, it leads to…
Answer: “C” – A pleasant experience with a happy ending.

When I took the online editor job here at the Fulcrum, the last thing I thought I’d be doing is offering this sort of information. Am I working for Cosmo?

But to answer the question: He did the job just fine.

Question 2: On your way to dinner with your cutie’s parents, you…
Answer: “A” – Pick up a bottle of wine or a pie for dessert.

Parents love me. Partly because I can turn on the sweet boy charm like a switch, and partly because I always bring wine. Honestly, showing up with a decent merlot in hand makes even the scariest parents ease up a little.

I never met my summer boyfriend’s parents, but if I had, I would’ve brought a respectable Pinot.

Question 3: It’s time to buy your babe a birthday gift. You…
Answer: “B” – Forget, and end up grabbing one of your textbooks from last year.
Syntax: A Minimalist Introduction was a great read; you’re just sharing the love.

Listen: I was really cheap when I was seeing this guy. I’m a penny-pincher in general, but it was almost embarrassing how little I was willing to spend when I was with him. I paid for his dinner once, but that was only because he drove me to a mall an hour away solely for the purpose of buying a pair of pants. If that doesn’t deserve a $13 entré and a kiss goodnight, I don’t know what does.

According to the scores listed in the paper, my answers place me into the middle category of “everything in moderation.” The explanation for this grouping says my relationship was balanced and fun, and I had figured out love. Oops! If only I’d had a three question quiz this summer to tell me I was doing everything right.

Okay, so maybe this isn’t the most scientific study. But if you need multiple choice questions to tell you if you’re in a healthy relationship, then chances are you’re not in one. Close the Cosmo and get on the same page as your partner.