Dear Di

Dear Di is the Fulcrum foremost expert in sexual relations
Di Daniels. Image: Christine Wang/Fulcrum
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Just because others are in committed relationships doesn’t mean you have to be

Dear Di, 

All of my friends are in happy, serious, committed relationships. They’re thinking about the future with their partners, and some have even mentioned marriage or moving forward in their relationships. I love seeing them happy, but sometimes I get worried that there is something wrong with me for not wanting those things. I don’t have the desire to be in that type of relationship, and it makes me feel out of place when I talk to them about that sort of thing. Do I need to be in a serious relationship right now? Am I behind? 

Single and Uninterested 

Dear S&U, 

Not everyone is in the same place in their lives, and not everyone is going to want the same things even if they are of similar age. Whether it is about relationships, careers, or many of the other potentially confusing aspects of life, it is okay to have different needs or desires than your peers. 

There is definitely pressure to feel a certain way when your close friends are all talking and posting about their relationships. When you’re listening to the great parts of their relationship, you might even worry that you’re missing out on something even if a relationship isn’t for you right now.

But remember, you don’t have to feel pressured into trying to create something that your friends have; you can pursue a relationship when you feel ready or decide that you want one. Don’t chase a relationship just because other people are in them. Just because other people around you are in committed relationships it doesn’t mean you have to be. 

Plus, there are plenty of upsides to being single like having time to focus on yourself and build a foundation for your own life before adding a partner to it. You’ll be able to achieve your goals without having to worry about another person. 

You are not behind in life, and there is nothing wrong with you. You can go about relationships at your own pace. Yes, be supportive of your friends and their relationships, but never feel like you need to follow in their footsteps in order to be happy.