Dear Di

Dear Di's Blue Album
Image: Dasser Kamran/Fulcrum
Reading Time: 2 minutes

Di’s advice on what to do when someone’s sex playlist sucks

Dear Di, 

The person I am currently hooking up with has a very bad sex playlist. I am scared to tell them because they are emotionally fragile and seem to be really connected to their music. But nothing turns me off more than hearing Weezer’s “Undone – The Sweater Song” or Radiohead’s “My Iron Lung” while having sex. What should I tell them? 

— Jonas

Dear Jonas, 

There are a number of reasons to have a playlist for sex, but having Weezer playing in the background is not okay. There are some exceptions when it comes to Radiohead, however. Take it from me, when Ty Daniels and I first met, his playlist consisted of songs off Sum 41’s All Killer No Filler and blink-182’s Dude Ranch, trust me no one wants to hear Mark Hoppus sing A day late/A buck short while having sex. He was also emotionally fragile — like most boys in their late teens and early twenties.

Now before I explain what I did to make Ty’s playlist better, it is important for you to understand that listening to music while having sex has many benefits. Research has shown that listening to music while having sex can help make the activity last much longer than those who don’t, especially when it comes to cardio. Music also helps produces dopamine, in the same way as sex, listening to music while having sex can create a double dose of dopamine – this means much more pleasure for both of you!

As for how you can improve your partner’s playlist, here are a couple of ideas. The simplest way would be to sit down with them and explain that the playlist should consist of songs you both love. Keep in mind though, this may not work immediately as some people are very hard-headed and will come up with a ‘hundred and one excuses’ as to why they do not want to make changes to their playlist. Ty, for instance, kept saying that his playlist gave him rhythm while having sex — but that boy didn’t have any rhythm when I met him.

If they don’t accept your “suggestion” to change up the sex playlist, you may have to be shady and do it yourself – keep in mind this approach could cause some arguments between you and your partner. Try and find a way to drop in some of your own songs here and there, mixing them into the middle of the playlist. It could turn out to be a nice compromise and to be honest, they might not even notice if you hide the changes well enough.  

Before we move on, if you guys are about to have sex make sure to queue up some of their songs so that your songs only come on when you’re actually in the act — they won’t stop what they’re doing to go change a song (if they do, run).

Hopefully, they get the message and their playlist will improve due to your contributions.