HOW TO SHARE YOUR STRUGGLES WHEN YOU HATE CONFRONTATION
Dear Di,
How do I bring up my mental health struggles to my partner? To me, it seems like a classic case of damned if I do, damned if I don’t. What if I bring it up and they feel overwhelmed by my problems? Or what if I don’t bring it up and I end up resenting them in the future? How do I go about confiding in my partner about these struggles, without being too much while also being honest?
Sincerely,
Unconfrontational Lover
Dear U.L.,
First off, it’s great that you’re already thinking about how to approach this— communication is an important aspect of a healthy relationship. When it comes to discussing mental health, it’s natural to feel a bit apprehensive, especially when you’re worried about overwhelming your partner. I know being vulnerable is scary, but it is a necessary step toward a deeper connection between partners.
Start by choosing the right time and a comfortable environment for this conversation. Timing matters— try to avoid bringing it up during a stressful moment or when either of you is distracted. You might want to preface the discussion by letting your partner know that you’d like to share something personal and that you don’t expect them to have all the answers. This helps take the pressure off them to “fix” things. You could say something like, “I’ve been going through some mental health struggles, and it’s important to me that I share this with you so you can better understand what I’m dealing with. I’m not looking for solutions, just for you to listen and be there.”
Be mindful of how you initiate the conversation. The phrase, “We need to talk,” can sound scary, so try to frame it in a way that feels more open and less intimidating, like, “Can we talk about something that’s been on my mind?”
By leading with honesty and setting realistic expectations, you create space for a productive conversation. Your partner may have questions or may need time to process what you’ve shared, and that’s okay. It shows they care and are invested in your well-being. Acknowledge that this can be a lot for them to take in, and assure them that it’s okay to feel unsure at first. This can foster an atmosphere of mutual understanding.
If your partner seems uncertain about how to help, don’t hesitate to offer a few suggestions. For instance, if words of affirmation help you feel grounded, let them know that offering reassurance or simply being present during tough moments can make a big difference. Everyone processes information differently, so sharing ways they can support you gives them a roadmap rather than leaving them feeling helpless.
After the conversation, regular check-ins are important. It’s helpful to touch base with each other to see how you both feel after sharing and to adjust if needed. These check-ins allow both of you to stay in sync emotionally and maintain open lines of communication.
On the flip side, keeping your struggles to yourself can lead to misunderstandings, frustration, or emotional distance in the long run. Opening up, though nerve-wracking, allows your partner the opportunity to be there for you in meaningful ways. These kinds of conversations, while difficult, will only strengthen your bond and deepen your relationship over time.
Remember, a thriving relationship is one where both partners feel safe being themselves— struggles and all. Your mental health is a significant part of who you are, and inviting your partner into that space is not about being “too much.” Instead, it’s about creating a deeper, more authentic connection where both of you can be real and support each other.
You got this!
Di
